Top 10 Bible Stories for Children
May 29, 2007
1. David and Goliath
In this story, David kills Goliath with a stone and a sling. He then cuts off Goliath’s head with his own sword and parades the head around. Lovely!
2. Samson and Delilah
First, Samson kills 30 men for their belongings and clothes. He then captures 300 foxes and lights their tails on fire. After this he goes on to kill 1,000 men with the jawbone of an ass. And finally, he commits suicide and in the process kills 3,000 men and women. It should be noted that whenever he would kill, it is noted that “the Spirit of the Lord” came on him with power. I did skip the sex and seduction part. I’m not sure the kids could handle that.
3. Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego
These 3 were thrown into a fiery furnace to be burned to death. The fire was so hot that it killed the soldiers who threw them into the furnace. Of course, God spared the lives of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. By the way, these are the 3 coolest names in the Bible. Too bad more people don’t use them in naming their kids. We have too many Pauls, Peters, Daniels, Johns, etc. Think about how cool it would be to be named Abednego.
4. Noah and the Flood
In this story, God commits the genocides of all genocides. He wipes out all living creatures of the world with a flood (except Noah, his family, and 2 each of the millions of species on the earth). Wikipedia estimates the human population in the third millineum BCE to be around 30 million. Can you imagine the stench of the earth after the flood waters receded? In case you didn’t know, this is how the dinosaurs went extinct. They couldn’t fit into the Ark I guess.
5. Daniel in the Lion’s Den
Daniel is thrown into a den of lions to be eaten alive. After God saved him from the lions, the men who accused him, along with their wives and children were thrown in the den of lions who “overpowered them and crushed all their bones.” Poor kids. What did they do to deserve being eaten by lions?
6. Jonah and the Whale
Jonah gets swallowed by a big fish but survives for 3 days and 3 nights in its belly. This actually is one of the few stories that does not include violence. In fact, God is suddenly compassionate and does not destroy Nineveh as he promised to do, and Jonah gets “angry enough to die” because of this. What a guy!
7. Joshua and the Walls of Jericho
Here Joshua and his army marches around the city of Jericho and the walls fell. They then go into Jericho and commit genocide. They “destroyed with the sword every living thing in it—men and women, young and old, cattle, sheep and donkeys.” Did you know archeologists found the walls of Jericho?
8. Moses and the Red Sea
Moses parts the Red Sea and the Children of Israel safely crosses over. He then drowns Pharaoh and his entire army in the sea- which inspired a worship song. Anyone remember singing it? “I will sing unto the Lord for he has thriumphed gloriously, the horse and the rider thrown into the sea.” Wow, I almost want to get up and do the charismatic two-step now. Oh! Archeologists found this spot in the Red Sea also.
9. Lot’s Wife and the City of Sodom and Gomorrah
God reigns down fire and brimstone from heaven on the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah killing everyone there. Lot’s wife looks back at the destruction and dies by becoming a “pillar of salt” (which remained in place for a while so that others could walk by and remember Lot’s wife).
10. The Passion of Christ
No Top Ten would be complete without this story. Here Jesus is supposedly beaten beyond recognition, had a crown of thorns placed on his head, nailed to a cross, and pierced with a sword. Of course, this was necessary because this story is all about the blood.
- Roopster
Entry Filed under: Roopster. Tags: agnostic, apologetics, atheism, Bible, christianity, faith, religion, skepticism, spirituality, theology.
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1.
agnosticatheist | May 29, 2007 at 4:51 pm
You need to replace Jonah and the Whale. Nobody died. No blood. No guts. No gore. The kids won’t like that!
I’ll think of suggestions. Anyone else have any?
aA
2.
Heather | May 29, 2007 at 5:44 pm
Wow. If Disney tried stories like that, in all the lovely details, the same parents who so happily share these stories with their children would have a fit.
3.
Mickey | May 29, 2007 at 6:35 pm
Want guts? How about Judas’ suicide?
4.
Matt | May 29, 2007 at 6:55 pm
I’d actually include the story how the man offered his daughter to a mob so she could be gang raped instead of his male guest.
5.
Karen | May 29, 2007 at 7:20 pm
I did skip the sex and seduction part. I’m not sure the kids could handle that.
True story: I was in a group called Bible Study Fellowship for about 5 or 6 years. My husband is still a leader in our local men’s BSF group. Our children attended with me for many years.
This is a very serious and thorough study of the bible, not a “glossing over” out of context. What I found when helping them with their studies is that I was actually censoring some of the most distasteful stuff - like the incest and the worst violence. It was hideous to try to explain all the nitty-gritty to them, because they were just too young.
That experience should have been a warning sign for me. In fact, now that I think about it, maybe it was! It wasn’t long after that when I first started questioning for myself.
Anyone remember singing it? “I will sing unto the Lord for he has thriumphed gloriously, the horse and the rider thrown into the sea.”
Oh, you betcha! Yet it never occurred to me we were “celebrating” a genocide. More of that “fog of belief” stuff, I guess.
Jonah gets swallowed by a big fish but survives for 3 days and 3 nights in its belly. This actually is one of the few stories that does not include violence. In fact, God is suddenly compassionate and does not destroy Nineveh as he promised to do, and Jonah gets “angry enough to die” because of this. What a guy!
I remember a sermon once where the pastor claimed he had “evidence” that this was a literal account of an event. I think he even had news clippings of people who’d been inside of whales (?) at least briefly and survived. Very weird.
6.
HeIsSailing | May 29, 2007 at 7:30 pm
I had a really great Bible picture book when I was a kid. It was almost like it was made for adults - for some reason my mom took it away from me. It had everything in it - I mean it even included scenes of such obscure figures as Haggai and Zechariah prophecying! Anyway, my favorite stories were never the bloody ones. Just to show you what a nerd I was as a kid, consider these favorities from my childhood:
1) The Adam and Eve story. I still love it as a piece of mythology. But the wonder of imagining a land of paradise where man did no labor, mists cooled the ground, and snakes talked was great fun for me to think about.
2) The story of Balaam (Num 22). What is more fun than a talking snake? A talking donkey of course!
3) Job’s torment (Job 1,2) OK, I guess this is as bloody as it gets. I did love this horrible story for some reason. Maybe replace the Jonah story with this?
4) The Valley of Dry Bones (Ezek 37) I thought this was a real event when I was a kid! Awesome - an army of undead soldiers!! What more could a boy want? Only later when I read the actual passage did I find out it was a vision to represent the re-emergence of Israel. But no zombies. Bummer.
5) The Late Great Planet Earth by Hal Lindsay - OK, it is not a Bible story, but it might as well have been when I was growing up. It was my generation’s version of the Left Behind series, where the Antichrist emerges out of the revived Roman Empire and wrecks havoc on planet earth with his one world economy. And an A-Bomb thrown in for good measure! More fun than the Terminator. Awesome Stuff!!
7.
beepbeepitsme | May 29, 2007 at 8:12 pm
Bible stories are good old-fashioned family entertainment doncha know..
8.
Heather | May 29, 2007 at 9:11 pm
Karen,
**What I found when helping them with their studies is that I was actually censoring some of the most distasteful stuff - like the incest and the worst violence. It was hideous to try to explain all the nitty-gritty to them, because they were just too young.** That’s really interesting that you’d mention this. I’m sure everyone is familiar with Nichole Nordeman, but she writes a monthly thing for … ‘Christianity Today,’ I believe, and posts them the month after on her website.
Anyway, she mentioned that she wanted to get started on her son’s (two year old) faith as soon as possible, and so pulled out Old Testament stories … and ran into a problem, because of all the violence and incest and just overall nasty stuff in there. She eventually read him a train story, instead.
I was always puzzled as to why she saw no difficulties with it, though. If she was bothered by telling stories like that to her son, shouldn’t that be a warning sign?
9.
Bryan | May 29, 2007 at 11:07 pm
Samson did not commit suicide. He was a Martyr.
10.
HeIsSailing | May 29, 2007 at 11:23 pm
Karen sez:
“What I found when helping them with their studies is that I was actually censoring some of the most distasteful stuff - like the incest and the worst violence.”
I did the same thing with Bible studies with my wife shen she expressed an interest to learn more about the Bible. I caught myself steering clear of embarrassing passages - and that is also when I knew there was a real problem.
11.
agnosticatheist | May 29, 2007 at 11:35 pm
Bryan,
I guess Samson would be a Martyr if you also consider suicide bombers martyrs. There are many who view this as terrorism. I guess you can say that Samson was a model for radical religious terrorists.
aA
12.
agnosticatheist | May 29, 2007 at 11:41 pm
HIS,
Job should definitely make the list. Great story. Nothing like the cosmic battle between God and Satan where God allowed Satan to kill Job’s kids. No biggie though, God would blessed with more. Hmmm… Not sure that logic would work on anyone here…
Just as an aside, I believe Job’s 10 kids are the only people Satan killed in the entire Bible but God is listed as killing millions. Interesting to think about that, isn’t it?
aA
13.
agnosticatheist | May 29, 2007 at 11:55 pm
Matt,
I recently discovered that this was such a great story that it’s repeated twice in the Bible.
Lot & the angels
and again in Judges:
Concubine raped, abused, killed, then cut into 12 pieces
aA
14.
Mothandrust | May 30, 2007 at 6:07 am
How about Jael pluggin the guy in the head with a tent peg. That was a fun camping story and empowering girly stuff… like Buffy the Vampire slayer.
15.
HeIsSailing | May 30, 2007 at 7:03 am
Aa sez:
“Just as an aside, I believe Job’s 10 kids are the only people Satan killed in the entire Bible but God is listed as killing millions.”
As Ed McMahon used to say, You are correct, sir!
16.
storbakken | May 30, 2007 at 10:01 pm
I understand it’d be kinda boring to talk solely about atheism without religion providing the context but I have to ask, is this blog dedicated to exploring atheism and agnosticisim or to explicitly propagating antiChristian sentiments? Just wonderin’.
17.
agnosticatheist | May 31, 2007 at 12:31 am
storbakken,
Hey now! HIS addressed Islam in his blog today. Equal opportunity sentiments.
If you read the little Welcome notice on the sidebar, here’s what it says:
In believe essence this blog is more about de-converting from religion (primarily Christianity).
For me personally, I am very open to God. Anytime God wants to have a chat w/me, I’m right here. It’s pretty simple. I’m just not interested in taking the word of ancient cultures…. Bring me my burning bush - my talking snake, talking donkey, thundering voice from a mountain, manna from heaven, pillar of fire by night, miracles (such as amputated legs growing back)…. I’m ready! Are you?
18.
agnosticatheist | May 31, 2007 at 12:32 am
BTW, Can you point out any glaring errors in this post? I believe Roopster stayed pretty true to the text. Don’t you think? Maybe he’s being used by God, in spite of his unbelief, to spread the Word. Isn’t that a possibility?
19.
RandomChristian | May 31, 2007 at 8:47 am
You cannot simply list the actual accounts of these stories without also including the context in which they were set. God has a higher purpose for all things and it is many times beyond our understanding. Our finite minds cannot comprehend God. His ways are not our ways. His thoughts are not our thoughts.
This blog is a great example of humans trying to figure out God. You will fail and you will ramble on about things you do not comprehend.
RC
20.
HeIsSailing | May 31, 2007 at 1:52 pm
A Random Christian sez:
“You cannot simply list the actual accounts of these stories without also including the context in which they were set. God has a higher purpose for all things and it is many times beyond our understanding.”
OK. Can you take some of the stories listed above, and put them in their proper context so that they make some sense? I listed Balaam’s talking donkey, which is obviously mythological, but any of the stories listed above will do. In what contextual setting do we place, for instance, the talking donkey story so that it makes sense? Please illuminate. My mind is open.
21.
Tava | May 31, 2007 at 1:57 pm
HellSail, you’re mind is not open. You said you believe it is obviously mythological. How can your mind be open after you have already come to a conclusion?
22.
Radec | May 31, 2007 at 2:04 pm
**Tava said - Hellsail, your mind is not open…**
HellSail? I wondering if this was intentional.
23.
HeIsSailing | May 31, 2007 at 2:06 pm
Tava asks:
“HellSail, you’re mind is not open. You said you believe it is obviously mythological. How can your mind be open after you have already come to a conclusion?”
Tava, how do I know it is mythological?
Because it has a *talking donkey* in it.
Assuming you are a Christian, your job is to show, not only that God could and would make a donkey talk, but show *why* would God do this? Why would God do this in the culture and climate of Numbers, but not in our 21st century world? Taken on it own, this story makes little sense. But this is where context comes in.
I am certain about many things in life, but I am also wise enough to know I don’t know everything. I will change my mind about these things if I have good reason to do so. And in that sense, my mind is open.
24.
Heather | May 31, 2007 at 2:34 pm
**Tava, how do I know it is mythological?
Because it has a *talking donkey* in it.**
I would agree with this. If we saw a talking donkey in any other context, we would immediatly conclude that the story is a fairy tale, fable, or myth — to sum up, it was fabricated. If we read the talking donkey story without ever learning it was in the Bible, we’d reach the same conclusion.
** it is many times beyond our understanding** That would seem odd, given that Jesus uses parables, which would engage the understanding. Plus, if it’s beyond our understanding that much, why bother reading it? How can you know what to believe unless there’s a firm grasp of the subject matter.
25.
Anonymous | May 31, 2007 at 6:07 pm
Atheism—Because atheistic humanism falsely seeks man and human glory and rejects God, atheism is a grave sin (CCC 2125). It is a sin against the virtue of religion. St. Paul tells us, “For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all unholiness and injustice of those men that detain the truth of God in injustice” (Romans 1:18).
26.
Rhonda | September 5, 2007 at 2:34 pm
I also think Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego are cool names. We had a mother cat have kittens under some brush, but we didn’t know it. We had started a bonfire and heard meows. A friend of ours got the kittens out. There were 3 of them and we named them Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego.
27.
Drew | May 11, 2008 at 6:20 pm
Seems fitting given the presence of fire