Spiritual Depression and Various Offers of a Cure

June 16, 2007 at 11:13 am 32 comments

In a recent post here HeIsSailing offered this wonderful glimpse into his soul:

But I want to believe. I want to believe that there is hope for us here on earth, comfort for the sick and needy, help for the helpless and love for the unloved. I want to believe in assurance for abundant life here on earth, and everlasting life in the hereafter. I want to believe that I will spend all eternity with my wife, the woman that I love. I want to believe there is hope in the future, there is relief when I get older, and there is confidence of my eternity.

Oh, how I can believe this! I have coined a similar type of feeling that I fall into, much like HeIsSailing. I call it spiritual depression. To me, and this is ONLY my definition and no one else’s, spiritual depression is that limbo of the gray area surrounding cognitive dissonance where you want to believe one thing, but your mind tells you something else. It’s the heart/mind dichotomy. Now depending on which viewpoint you take on the extreme spectrum of believer to atheist, there are different reasons for this depression and different cures for it. Neither view solves the dilemma and leaves one even more spiritual depressed.

Surprisingly, if you Google “spiritual depression” you get a preponderance of Christian web sites. All of them tout the cure for spiritual depression as “returning to God,” repenting, turning to the Lord once again. In other words, just give in and believe already! What’s wrong with you that you just can’t believe and get it over with??? That is the implied question isn’t it? This puts the blame for your depression squarely on your shoulders. You just didn’t have enough faith in God!

Well, autodidact that I am, I decided to look at the atheist/agnostic/feminist terms for spiritual depression, which I believe are: existential angst, nihilism, existential despair, looking into the abyss. In this definition, the atheist is faced with the despair of knowing you will die and there is nothing else. I’ve faced that as well. I don’t like the feeling, but we all have to face it. No wonder the pie-in-the-sky answer of an afterlife is appealing. Like HeIsSailing, I want to be with my spouse and kids in heaven. Hell, I even want my cats to be there too! But, there is no evidence this is so. All of these terms, from both sides of the spectrum, look at spiritual depression with or without the concept of God attached to them. I have a different take on spiritual depression. I look at it through the lens of alcoholism. Once having been a huge binge drinker at one point in my life, I know whereof I speak. So let me try to explain.

Like alcohol, Christianity is an intoxicant. It alters the way we think about ourselves and our lives. It gives us false confidence where we feel like we can handle anything. When we are drunk, we feel like we are the most witty, intelligent people on the planet. We lose our inhibitions. Like alcohol, Christianity is also addictive. We are given “tools” to keep us spiritually drunk with obsessive bible reading (devotions), praise music, close, tight-knit fellowship, and prayer. Like alcoholism, I believe some have Christianity in their “blood” or in their genetic makeup. Such a one will always tend toward faith and belief, no matter how hard they try to rid themselves of it, just like the alcoholic: it’s a disease. For these people the best program is to go cold turkey. When I try to go cold turkey from Christianity, I invariable have a driving desire to go back. Weak creature that I am, I will fall off the wagon occasionally, return to church, start reading the bible again, bargain with God, you name it; but eventually the high from the binge will end and reason will reassert itself. Believe me when I say that I am in no way denigrating the struggles of alcoholics by using this analogy. But it is the best analogy I’ve come up with to illustrate what Christianity is like for me. It’s a drug, plain and simple. When I’m not on it, I feel a general spiritual malaise, as if I’m just waiting for the next binge. I’m not happy with it and I’m not completely happy without it.

When reason comes back I know what it is I need to do, but I just can’t seem to do it. In my mind, I know Christianity is bad for me. It changes me into an ugly person. I don’t like myself when I am a Christian. I go on binges where I think just one more “sip” of church-going will help me feel better. Yet, I can’t just take one more “sip.” I have to go whole-hog and drink the whole bottle, six-pack, whatever. I immerse myself once again in bible reading, bible study, committees, church-going. I make promises I can’t keep. And then once the high is gone, I have to try an extricate myself from it. Like my teen years, I wake up in the morning and don’t recognize the face next to me in bed. “What the *$&& did I do last night?” This is always the question I’m left with.

Christian web sites say that to turn back to Christianity will cure me of my spiritual depression. They write:

It is the truest part of Christian love to address the problem of sin and the curse, which can only be cured by knowing Christ, as the ultimate answer to depression. (Found at http://www.reformationtheology.com/ 2006/ 06/ thoughts_on_spiritual_depressi.php)

Yet, they miss the point. More Christianity or more Christ is not the answer for those of us who feel deeply that there must be something more basically human than putting “on the nature” of someone else. There must be something epistemologically deeper than this to fill the void that is within my spirit. Christianity itself is just a Band-aid for something as yet unarticulated. Once I faced this existential angst of my own mortality I can move into freedom and action, or so they tell me. A summary puts it this way:

2. The solution:

a. In choosing our own nature we must choose human nature for all humanity. In order to act freely, we must not let our action be determined by any of our particular desires or interests. We must act as any free agent would act, hence we must act as we would like other people to act.

b. In order to be free ourselves, we must desire the freedom of other people. To treat another person merely as an object for my use is to make an object of myself. To be free I must respect the freedom of others.

c. Even though my actions are free, they are not completely arbitrary. Just as the artist, while free to create, follows the constraints imposed by her medium, so our actions, while not governed by rules, are constrained by the choices we and others have made.

This is the closest my research has come to finding an answer for me. So now, how do I apply it without falling into the binge and purge cycle I’ve found myself in? Well, see there’s the rub. My mind says “Yes, yes!” but my heart says, “Yes, but….”

-MysteryofIniquity

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The Confessions of a Former Christian 2M Jews spent 40 years making an 11 day trip and left no evidence

32 Comments

  • 1. Heather  |  June 16, 2007 at 1:15 pm

    **It is the truest part of Christian love to address the problem of sin and the curse, which can only be cured by knowing Christ, as the ultimate answer to depression.**

    Those that suggest this answer seem to overlook a key point: in Christian theology (assuming one is the ‘right’ kind of Christian), one’s own personal sin is only fully eradicated after death, and there’s no proof of an eternal life after death, which means there’s no proof that ‘sin’ will ever be eradicated. And, for me, it oftne comes across as wrong to just hear people say, “If you put your trust in Jesus, you’ll have no worries” and then look at the suffering in the thirld world countries — people who need concrete help, such as food, medicine, shelter. Actual, physical things that are proven to help them.

    **So now, how do I apply it without falling into the binge and purge cycle I’ve found myself in? Well, see there’s the rub. My mind says “Yes, yes!” but my heart says, “Yes, but….”*** It very much is. I think we all have times when we want to b part of something big, and something that gives purpose to all the things that go on around us.

  • 2. mysteryofiniquity  |  June 16, 2007 at 1:21 pm

    Heather,

    Yes, you get the key point about the sin erasure theory. So, my sin’s are forgiven? Big deal. My life is still to be lived here and now with no proof that all will be well after death. I, like you, want to deal in the concrete measures that improve lives now, not later.

    Knowing it is one thing, applying it is another. How do you apply it?

  • 3. Karen  |  June 16, 2007 at 1:50 pm

    Excellent post, Mystery. I think you’re right on with the religion as a drug analogy. I knew LOTS of fundamentalists who existed from one “spiritual high” to the next and were constantly craving their next fix, whether it be a charismatic service, a revival, a Christian conference, a rock concert, a particularly riveting speaker, an upcoming holiday, blah, blah, blah.

    They had gotten to used to those emotional jolts that they literallly couldn’t function well in the day-to-day because they’d invested little to nothing in careers, hobbies or friendships. None of that stuff counted because it wasn’t as important as their religion.

    However, one thing I found when I left Christianity is that I did have to invest in things that I’d formerly been taught were “selfish” or “worldlly.” I actually had to find things I liked to do and make relationships with people outside of church. Except for work (and I’m lucky that my work is fulfilling in itself), I’d never put any stock in something as frivolous as “having fun.”

    After a couple years of concerted effort, and some trial-and-error, I have made a fulfilling life for myself with friendships, hobbies, intellectual pursuits and community involvement. But it can be tough when you’ve ignored that stuff and even looked askance at it most of your life because it didn’t reflect “kingdom values” (or something like that)!

    I did do about a year of personal therapy sessions for the first time in my life just as I was leaving the church. That helped me widen my perspective a lot because it had been so terribly narrow, and helped me set some priorities for myself. Maybe something like that would be useful for you. Just don’t pick a fundy Christian counselor! ;-)

  • 4. mysteryofiniquity  |  June 16, 2007 at 2:09 pm

    Karen,
    Great comments!
    You wrote: “Maybe something like that would be useful for you. Just don’t pick a fundy Christian counselor! ”
    HEAR, HEAR! I made that mistake one too many times to do it again.

    I do want to make clear though that I do not have a depressive personality. Only when it comes to spirituality do I get in that depressive “state.” I actually love life and everything about it. I consider myself too valuable to contemplate suicidal thoughts and actually found that spiritual depression occurs in direct correlation to how involved I am at church. So, the obvious thing is to not do that thing which triggers it.

    I do need other pursuits, but in rural America this is very hard to do.

  • 5. cade  |  June 16, 2007 at 2:43 pm

    Great post. You have touched on one of the big controversial issues in Christian circles. God’s sovereignty vs. human responsibility.

    You might like Charles Spurgeon’s sermon for the spiritually depressed:

    http://members.aol.com/twarren13/depress.html

  • 6. mysteryofiniquity  |  June 16, 2007 at 4:45 pm

    cade,
    The point of my post is that I don’t want to be spiritually cured by Christianity.

  • 7. tribalchurch  |  June 16, 2007 at 6:14 pm

    Beautifully written. I grew up in a home where religion was an addiction. What you say is certainly real.

    I wish you the best in your journey.

  • 8. Epiphanist  |  June 16, 2007 at 7:51 pm

    We seem to be born with a hole in us, existential angst is a good way to look at it. I had a bit of trouble with “In choosing our own nature we must choose human nature for all humanity.” To a degree we can choose our “nature”, but do you mean that this needs to be a lowest common denominator?

  • 9. Karen  |  June 16, 2007 at 8:37 pm

    I do want to make clear though that I do not have a depressive personality. Only when it comes to spirituality do I get in that depressive “state.” I actually love life and everything about it. I consider myself too valuable to contemplate suicidal thoughts and actually found that spiritual depression occurs in direct correlation to how involved I am at church. So, the obvious thing is to not do that thing which triggers it.

    That’s good that you don’t have an inborn tendency toward depression. That will make it much easier for you.

    Another thing I realized is that I consciously stopped looking for everything to “make sense” in terms of a universal solution to all the world’s problems, and started looking at the small things I could do, on a daily basis, to make a difference in my tiny sphere of influence. Living life “in the moment” and appreciating each experience for what it is – without striving for the big picture all the time – is a nice way to do it.

    Jesus said it – give someone a cup of cold water; smile at someone; give a hug; really sit and enjoy a sunset for 10 whole minutes. It sounds corny, but those things honestly help and you don’t even have to believe in god to do them! :-)

    I do need other pursuits, but in rural America this is very hard to do.

    I’ve always lived in a major urban area, so I can’t relate but I’m sure your options are more limited. Thank goodness for the Internet, huh!?

  • 10. Sue Ann Edwards  |  June 17, 2007 at 1:50 am

    May I ask?

    is the experience you describe, whatever the label, one of feeling like you’re on top of the world, clear sailing, then feeling lower then a toad over a period of time following?

  • 11. HeIsSailing  |  June 17, 2007 at 9:29 am

    MysteryOfIniquity, thanks for a terrific article. You have given me much to think about. We have very different ways of viewing this topic, and I totally understand what you mean by ‘spiritual depression’. It is a good term.

    Depression does not really describe my de-conversion. I feel more like somebody has thrown cold water on me to snap me out of a haze. Like being told to ‘snap out of it!’. I feel like I had smelling salts thrown under my nose to help me see the real world. Sure, I am sometimes saddened by my realization that there is no life after this one.

    But I have to tell you I am also very relieved that there is no eternal damnation for *anybody* no matter what their religious beliefs are. I am sure you understand what a huge burden that is – knowing that Jesus Christ is the only means of salvation and the bulk of my friends and family were going to wind up in hell. I no longer have to convert anybody, because no matter what we believe, we all end up in the same place. To me, that is liberating.

    But I also understand that more responsibility has been placed on me as a human being, and I wish more eschatollogically minded relgious people would also take on that responsibility. I now understand that there is no Divine master plan, and we very well can blow ourselves up, or poison ourselves, or disease ourselves, or do any number of irresponsible things, and nobody is going to come out of the clouds and save us. Jesus will not come back to remove this troubled world, and give us a new heaven and earth. You know that many Christians (and probably the faithful of many other religions) long for the day when this age finally ends and the savior comes back to rescue us. I long for that day too, but it ain’t gonna happen. I have never read a Sam Harris book, but I think this is his main concern also.

    How to combat this? I like your suggestions. I especially like this one:

    “b. In order to be free ourselves, we must desire the freedom of other people. To treat another person merely as an object for my use is to make an object of myself. To be free I must respect the freedom of others.”

    As an ex-Christian, I really don’t care what my freinds and family believe. And part of the process for me is getting to know them again as people, and not just as souls that need saving. I have grown much closer to my wife this past year, because I now realize that this is the only life I will have with her. I try to savor the simple pleasures of life more. To take my time, relax, and soak it all in.

    Those are just some random thoughts that your article has helped me to clarify. Thanks again for a great article and stimulating thinking.

  • 12. mysteryofiniquity  |  June 17, 2007 at 9:31 am

    Karen,

    Thank goodness for the internet is right! But, there’s a lot I can do even from here. Blog about issues, give money to worthy causes, and even at work I can be a friend to those who need it. So I’m not exactly sitting here doing nothing. With Christians, it’s always about the “big picture” of evangelism or something like that. So I tend to fall into that type of thinking.

  • 13. mysteryofiniquity  |  June 17, 2007 at 9:33 am

    Hi Sue Ann,

    No, it’s not necessarily a physical emotional feeling at all. How can I explain it? There are no “highs” and “lows” like worthiness. There are highs and lows as far as “belongingness” or feeling part of a larger thing unconnected with humanity as a whole, but with a movement like Christianity and church. Does that make any sense?

  • 14. mysteryofiniquity  |  June 17, 2007 at 9:41 am

    HIS,

    Well, I’d hoped it would make some sense to you and anyone else reading it. As a literary theorist, I always loved to use analogies for my papers because you can relate to analogies, metaphors, etc. far more than just trying to explain it outright.

    You wrote: “I no longer have to convert anybody, because no matter what we believe, we all end up in the same place. To me, that is liberating.”

    I too found this very liberating. Especially as viewing people as people and not souls. That’s it in a nutshell. Like Karen says, we get lost in looking at a bigger picture or person and refuse to see what’s in front of us. Forest for trees idea. Christians look at people as “souls” that are either going to heaven or hell. I find that grossly oversimplifying. It smacks of pride of the grossest sort.

    The whole point Sartre made was that, sure, we can face the angst of dying and disappearing, but once we face that we become more responsible human beings. There is no second chance. Now is it! I’ve especially taken this to heart this past year with my heart blockage and the stent I had put in. It was 99% blocked! Which means I could have checked out at any time. Talk about a wake up call! I appreciate life so much more. Sure for a time it drove me to a God-craving again, but then I realized it was fear of the unknown plain and simple. I’m not afraid of heaven or hell anymore. I just don’t want to leave this beautiful life!
    Blessings!

  • 15. mysteryofiniquity  |  June 17, 2007 at 9:42 am

    Thanks TribalChurch!

  • 16. HeIsSailing  |  June 17, 2007 at 10:19 pm

    These last few articles on this blogsite have been very helpful and productive to me. Writing and reading the articles helps give me new ideas for my new life apart from godly living. I really am excited and hopeful.

    My hope is that any Christians who happen to read these last couple of articles from both MOI and myself, will learn from them also. I hope Christians now understand that us apostates are not leaving Christianity due to rebellion, because we hate God, because we miss our lives of sin, or because we don’t want to believe with hardness of heart. Christians please understand that I don’t care what the Bible says, this is the furthest thing from the truh. I hope you see that in both my and MOI’s articles, and I hope you now realize that when you accuse us of leaving Christianity due to our own selfish desires, you are just driving us further away. I have been accused of these things several times from people I know – and it is just not fair. At least ask us – I would be willing to tell you the whole story if you would just ask and listen to it.

  • 17. superhappyjen  |  June 17, 2007 at 11:01 pm

    Christian as alcoholic. This is a fabulous analogy. In the past I thought that only an idiot would believe some of the doctrine the church puts out, but I’ve been proven wrong again and again as I meet more and more intelligent Christians. To say they have a kind of addiction makes perfect sense to me. An explanation for how religious faith can seem to overpower rational thought.

  • 18. mysteryofiniquity  |  June 18, 2007 at 7:02 am

    HIS,
    Exactly! Why would we struggle so if our time spent as Christians weren’t deeply heartfelt?

  • 19. mysteryofiniquity  |  June 18, 2007 at 7:06 am

    superhappyjen,

    Another analogy I like is the virus analogy. The meme, a word coined by Sue Blackmore and Richard Dawkins. It somehow infects you and spreads to others, but it’s a bugger to try to get rid of without making you really, really sick first. :-)

  • 20. Sue Ann Edwards  |  June 20, 2007 at 11:35 am

    I wonder…I try to put into words that will not be triggers…..I wonder how many fell in love with ‘the song of Christ’ only to be disappointed in the way Churches were/are singing it?

    ‘Belongingness’, what does this mean? I am seeking to understand, so please be patient if my questions are dumb.

    There is what has been called an ‘energy virus’ that most religions feed off of. It has to do with holding beliefs as true, that aren’t. Since there is no Truth in the beliefs, there is no solid and secure sense of an inner foundation, so it is required that others believe the same. The beliefs have to be fed by others, in order for any to believe.

    This is a dependency arrangement like sticks in a teepee. The sticks all lean on each other and in so doing, give form to the teepee. The teepee is dependent on the sticks and the sticks, on the arrangement teepee style.

    Does ‘belongingness’ have to do with this? Like ‘belonging’ to a teepee?

  • 21. mysteryofiniquity  |  June 20, 2007 at 11:58 am

    Sue Ann,

    Well sort of like a teepee, but more like a family. You belong to your family unit. You may hate them sometimes, but you know you are connected by something stronger, by blood. Well, Christians in fundamentalist religions are bound together by “the blood of Jesus.” It’s a new family, even stronger than your blood family of origin. Not only are you baptized into this new family, you are connected by the Holy Spirit which resides in each one. Everyone is now all ONE as Jesus is one. We all have common goals and are together for a common purpose. The church is one body.

    Sorry, I couldn’t describe it without using the religious terminology.

  • 22. Sue Ann Edwards  |  June 20, 2007 at 3:02 pm

    So the association of ‘family’ is taught to be linked to ‘blood’? How awful! My father was my father and my mother was my mother, my brother was my brother and my sister was my sister. None of us were ‘blood’ related. All the children in my ‘family’ were adopted. Siblings, raised by the same Parent.

    Doesn’t it mean the same to all be children of One Creator? If there’s only One, then that One has to be a common Parent, doesn’t it?

    I learned these ‘labels’ are of associations and relationships, conveying the kind of relationship we have with another.

    Do the concepts taught stop at what our physical eyes see and go no further? Like focusing on Jesus and forget about Christ?

    Ohhh, that’s right, please excuse my slowness. Blind faith requires blindness, so no, Understanding couldn’t possily be part of the code. Since once Understanding sinks in, we wouldn’t be blind anymore.

    ‘I see’, said the Blind man.

    When we’re taught to look outside of ourselves, then we never realize what is within. When we’re tuaght to focus on ‘body’, then we do not see Spirit.

  • 23. C-dog  |  September 21, 2007 at 9:44 pm

    I think you guys are missing the point, there are extremes to everything, religion too alcoholism, the key is to find BALANCE and moderation! You can still beleive in God, feel spiritually fullfilled and not step foot inside a church, i do it everyday! God loves you no matter what, despite yourselves! The best way to be is just OPEN, acknowledge the possibility and then faith grows from there!!!

    Hope this helps!

  • 24. LeoPardus  |  September 21, 2007 at 11:12 pm

    C-dog. There is no god/God. That’s kind of the point of most of what was written. Did you even read it?
    The folks hereabouts have already opened up and acknowledged the possibility. They’ve lived it for years in most cases. And they’ve seen there is no God. Or if there is he/she/it is totally disconnected and unreachable.

    You’ve just given us platitudes that we’ve all heard a zillion times. No help at all. Try to read and see what’s being said.

  • 25. dangerouschristian  |  July 31, 2008 at 2:39 pm

    Long time no see MOI!

    Welcome to the human race! I’m currently going through a spiritual depression-one to the point that I’m questioning God Herself and Her very essence.

    Brand x-tianity is a band-aid, like it or not. As on in the mainline church, I see a lot of emotion and “quick fix” solutions. In fact, it’s been all too superficial. Whe I tried to look up sites regarding my depression I had the same “luck” you did.

    Xtianity (as the fundagelicals have it) is afraid to peer into the abyss that Christ tried to point us to. It’s afraid to look at the “hard issues” facing its people and try to gloss it over with “gospel candy” to keep the faithful happy. But still such an experience persists and won’t go away.

    My cure? I really don’t know what it is. All I can do for right now is experience and learn from it; and in the end point my life in the direction it needs to go.

    ‘Til next time, peace!

  • 26. mysteryofiniquity  |  July 31, 2008 at 2:50 pm

    Hi Dangerous!

    It has been a long time! I like the term you use “gospel candy” because that’s exactly what it is. A quick high and then a big let down when the sugar wears off. Yes, the only thing we can do is experience and learn and move on.

    I’m glad you stopped by to post. :-)

  • 27. elizabeth  |  September 29, 2008 at 9:42 am

    We are spiritual beings having a human experience. So, we will never be truly satisfied out of communion with God/Source. Unfortunately, much of our “religion” hinders this sacred union. But don’t let it – don’t throw the baby out with the bath water. – Ask for the real God to show up and don’t be surprised when it happens. It is an amazing journey. And yes, there are some “highs” as you are brushed with the power of the Creator of the Universe. But there are also some dark nights as we wrangle with our egos and our carnal minds. This is called Life.

  • 28. mysteryofiniquity  |  September 29, 2008 at 2:15 pm

    elizabeth,

    thanks for the advice. I’ve come quite far since posting this and I no longer agonize over it. I also no longer see human beings in such a dualistic fashion. I no longer think of my body, spirit, or soul or whatever as separate entities. I’m all of a piece, meaning whatever we attribute to Spirit is also part of us and inseparable. I’m much more at peace knowing this. thanks for the comment.

  • 29. LeoPardus  |  September 29, 2008 at 2:51 pm

    elizabeth:

    We are spiritual beings having a human experience. So, we will never be truly satisfied out of communion with God/Source.

    Says who?

    That happy/hippy, new-agey, cotton candy doesn’t go over any better than Christianity or Islam. It’s still based on wishful thinking, presuppositional silliness, and no evidence.

    Ask for the real God to show up and don’t be surprised when it happens.

    Most of us on this blog have done just that. No show yet. And we’re no longer surprised.

  • 30. Cooper  |  September 29, 2008 at 4:49 pm

    Mystery of Iniquity—–

    Your article reminded me of a long while back when I was a member of a very legalistic Christian group. To them pression was a sign of weakness, so if one was “bummed out” it was always because you didn’t have enough faith. To them one should be able to face anything with a smile on your face. Their favorite piece of the English language was to say “Are you rejoicing brother?”

    And if you didn’t have a smile on your face then you weren’t trusting God, and you were also bringing everyone else down by your “faithless attitude”. Paul does say “Rejoice in
    the Lord always, and again I say rejoice” but “rejoicing” does not mean one always has a smile on their face. It is referring to remembering what is true in Christ, even when your emotions are all out of whack. This church did not want to admit that emotions are part of life—and just because one is a Christian does not mean they never get depressed, or feel
    “down and out”. If we can get physically tired, of course we can become emotionally spent also.

    What took me a long time to realize is that emotions can vary tremendously. It is not “sinful” to feel depressed, and it doesn’t have to be lack of faith that causes one to feel down and out either. The important thing is to keep on track. One can be driving to Indiana (just an example) and say “It sure doesn’t feel like were any closer to Indiana”–but if one has a map in front of them, then despite how they “feel” they can know where they are. In the christian life it’s the same—-we can “feel” God is far away, and that we are way off track etc.—-it isn’t a sin to feel that way—–that is normal–our emotions will ALWAYS be up and down.

    But we have the “map”, the Bible, and despite how we feel we can always “rejoice” knowing what we are, and what we have in Christ because God is true to his promises. We may not FEEL on track all the time, but we can KNOW where we stand by keeping our eyes on the map. May sound syrupy and stupid—but for me it’s very real. I can be depressed without it being a sign of faithlessness—it’s part of human nature to get depressed at times.

  • 31. mysteryofiniquity  |  September 29, 2008 at 5:17 pm

    Cooper,

    Yes, I’ve always been bothered by Christians’ responses to genuine emotion and feelings. They shy away from all that is normal and natural. I like you analogy and at one time, I would have agreed with it, but now I don’t see the bible as a map to anything but futility. I steer by my own stars now and I’ve felt more peaceful than I ever have. Thanks for the comments however. :-)

  • 32. Kushdev Dhillon  |  November 12, 2008 at 6:24 pm

    I’m glad to see some of these blogs. As people in the west we habe everything we need but still search for the ultimate life experience. In my time my most invicible and most joyous times have arisen from the unity with God. The God is inside you that you must find the answers inside. When your on the right tracks God will appear, only to yourself in an array a wonderful coincidences. These coincidences occur once the synchroncity to the spirit is found. It sadly however will decline and you will find yourself in the struggle again. After each struggle the liberation will come each time gaining closer to the ultimate final state of spiritual bliss.
    This is the story of why christ died, to show the pain before the re-birth, how many times the cycle goes who knows? One thing i can say for certain is that when we do make it there, then we are incarante of christ. It is us that will bring on the return of christ, that was his wish.
    Be strong all will be shown to those who contniue to seek, but always allow time for rest. The ultimate balance awaits….

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Just in case you were wondering who we are and why we de-converted.

de-conversion wager

Whether or not you believe in God, you should live your life with love, kindness, compassion, mercy and tolerance while trying to make the world a better place. If there is no God, you have lost nothing and will have made a positive impact on those around you. If there is a benevolent God reviewing your life, you will be judged on your actions and not just on your ability to blindly believe in creeds- when there is a significant lack of evidence on how to define God or if he/she even exists.

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