What Is My Problem (with the church)?

August 24, 2007 at 10:03 am 11 comments

amish.jpgI just spent part of the week with an old friend. We’ve known each other since we both attended a Christian college over twenty years ago. Deep rivers of relationship run between us … one of those friends you can talk to about anything.

Or at least that’s the way it use to be. Since I’ve been “coming out” of organized religion, I find I have to be very careful who I talk to about what. It’s kind of like “reverse judgment.” For many years, I was judged on the “bad” things I did or said. Now, I’m judged on the “good” things I say or do, simply because it disagrees with the “established system.” Go figure.

Anyway, after a couple of days, this friend finally asked (very loving and not judgmental- just in an earnest way), “What has brought about this ‘hating’ of the church?”

She stopped me in my tracks because I guess I never viewed it as a hatred of the church. Quite the contrary, it’s my respect of this institution and the people I love there that has kept me from totally walking out. However, I guess it “looks” like all I do is condemn and criticize the problems I see. If one is still “in the Matrix,” it is tough to see it as anything else.

For years, I lived a life of half-truth. I pretended to be something I wasn’t just to keep up the image that had been programmed into my head since I was about sixteen. It was easy, I found, because the majority of people surrounding me were playing the same game. Don’t get me wrong, are earnest people who truly believe the things the structure (i.e. organized religion) sells. However, I was always bothered by some of the trappings- if you know what I mean?

My friend and I talked a lot of about “unconditional love.” I have found that this state of being is really too much of a stretch for most of us. We all have our unconditional zone, and anyone who falls into this zone receives unconditional love. But truth be told, most people’s “unconditional zone” is very small — regardless of what they say.

We talked a lot about forgiveness — using our interpretations of the life of Jesus as an example. But at the end of the day, I think I have encountered more gossip and resentment than true forgiveness. Not always, but it happens — regardless of what they say.

Over the years, we have also been involved in conversations ad nauseum about what things we could do to “change our world.” Whether grandiose or small, we would discuss and plan and discuss it some more. Then, when the execution took place (if it ever did) it was usually less than we planned. However, we would pretend the result was OK, it was “God’s will,” even if it was because of our poor planning or lack of commitment … and we’d say it was a success — regardless of what we had originally said.

After thinking about all of this (and so much more I won’t bore you with), I told my friend what my problem is. I have been a part of an institution that says a lot of stuff, but, at the end of the day, most of its efforts are not any different than that of “the world,” – the very place they say they are so different from. All I want is for our words to somewhat resemble our actions. For us to stop pretending and start actually being bold enough to put ourselves on the block for what we believe. I try to consistently live my life so that my words at least live in the same neighborhood as my actions. Me, being weak and flawed as I am. I expect the same from an organization that claims God as it’s source. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.

Many people in the church accuse the culture of all sorts of things such as: believing lies; pandering to selfishness; using distractions of drugs, sex and rock and roll to keep them from “the truth.” After being on both sides, I can say that in or out of the structure, much of “the song remains the same.”

When I dropped my friend off, I saw something that was funny to me. We were sitting at McDonalds, and a big white van pulls up. Out of the back, an Amish family emerged. Now, if you know anything about the Amish, they shun any “modern” things in order to keep their lives simple. They believe the “modern world” will take them from the things of God. But here they were, having hired someone else to drive them (because they can’t drive gas powered vehicles) coming to eat at what some would argue is the poster child for modern, self-indulgent life. And it was somehow OK because they didn’t drive. They didn’t make the food on modern stoves, and they didn’t pay the electric bill for the lights and television they enjoyed while at McDonalds …

Sadly, in my head, it gave me the picture of my “problem” with the structure of the church.

– lostgirlfound

Entry filed under: lostgirlfound. Tags: , , , .

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11 Comments Add your own

  • 1. superhappyjen  |  August 24, 2007 at 3:51 pm

    We have our unconditional zone, and anyone that falls into that zone gets loved unconditionally.

    This is a perfect way of putting it. So true.

  • 2. robd  |  August 24, 2007 at 4:19 pm

    Lovely post.

    When I was a teenager, my parents were part of a modern protestant church allowing for modern life.
    But some at school were from churches where television was sinful so strictly forbidden.
    Then there were some who would allow tv, but you should not watch on sundays.
    Others had the tv in a cupboard, and heavy curtains on the windows…
    And all believed they were good Christians.

    As soon as I was thinking about such subjects, I knew it didn,t make sense at all.

  • 3. Reynvaan  |  August 24, 2007 at 4:33 pm

    An excellent post. Know that you’re not alone out here.

    P.S. I liked your reference to ‘The Matrix’. :D

  • 4. toobaa  |  August 24, 2007 at 5:00 pm

    ‘I try to consistently live my life so that my words at least live in the same neighborhood as my actions.’
    Every member of any organised religion should be striving to achieve this. God gave us the capacities that we quite often ignore, and within the ‘bounds’ of religion as organised by man, we stifle our potential, our personalities, our ambition. It’s easy to make excuses for laziness that way. I’m a Muslim, I think you’re pondering and being sure about your path is something great and everybody should be this thorough in themselves and WHY they do whatever they do, and this is exactly what the scriptures ask of us. ‘Think! Ponder! Reflect! Don’t you see?’

    I don’t think you have a problem. I think you have an advantage. And you’re doing well by sharing your thought process, perhaps others will benefit! : )

  • 5. HeIsSailing  |  August 25, 2007 at 7:54 am

    lostgirlfound, I went through the same story that you did. I found that Christians follow Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount about as well as their non-believing heathen neighbors do. There is always the rare example, but in the end, we all act just like human beings. I see no divine power – I really don’t.

    On the same note, I sympathise when your friends think you now ‘hate God’ or ‘hate the Church’. As I wrote about recently in ‘Rejecting the Obvious Truth of the Gospel’, CHristians seem to think that we are actively hating all things Christian, and that is just not the case. Most of my old CHristians friends never call or come over any more, and one even admitted that I was ‘hard to love’ these days. It is hard – they are good people and I miss the kommeraderiey. But there you go!

  • 6. HeIsSailing  |  August 25, 2007 at 7:54 am

    sorry, the rare exception, not example. I really need to stop writing these things at 4AM

  • 7. tribalchurch  |  August 25, 2007 at 11:34 am

    It’s very strange, how people act. Oddly, I’ve been asked this question (Why do you hate the church?), even though I’m a pastor! It’s just not the particular brand of Christianity that I grew up with, so it’s suspect.

    It makes me wonder if people are more concerned with me agreeing with their particular way of thinking, rather than finding my own path.

    I’m sorry if you lost a friend…. I lost a few from Bible school as well. It’s very painful when that happens.

  • 8. Dre  |  August 25, 2007 at 6:56 pm

    This was something I needed to read, mainly because I’ve been wondering why people act one way and say certain things in church and then they do the exact opposite once they walk off of the property every week, without fail. I doubt that anyone is perfect, but it would be nice to see some more of us striving to at least live according to our ideals at all times, no matter what they are, and not to just put on a show just because everyone else is doing it.

  • 9. lostgirlfound  |  August 26, 2007 at 9:27 pm

    Thanks, guys! Your comments have encouraged me, made me smile, and made me cry. Thanks for helping me hope again that there is something “real” in this world!

  • 10. tobeme  |  August 27, 2007 at 2:24 pm

    I can fully appreciate your problem with structured religions. My question is why do you focus so much energy on that which is not you? Are you still trying to convince yourself? Is it time to move on to be who you believe you are and not give the church any more of your attention?

  • 11. Driving a Wedge « de-conversion  |  August 28, 2007 at 11:34 am

    [...] 28, 2007 Since I posted last time, a friend of mine has gotten “fired” from the church. Supposedly, it’s nothing [...]

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Attention Christian Readers

Just in case you were wondering who we are and why we de-converted.

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Whether or not you believe in God, you should live your life with love, kindness, compassion, mercy and tolerance while trying to make the world a better place. If there is no God, you have lost nothing and will have made a positive impact on those around you. If there is a benevolent God reviewing your life, you will be judged on your actions and not just on your ability to blindly believe in creeds- when there is a significant lack of evidence on how to define God or if he/she even exists.

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