There was no baby in the bathwater!
I hate clichés, especially – “Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water!”. When I began to publically explore my de-conversion journey, I cannot begin to tell you how many times I heard that one. With each step, I would stop to determine if maybe I had gone too far and thrown out the baby. However, I would quickly realize that the next step would be a piece of cake, so I took it. There were times I took steps backwards only to determine that I’d been there, done that, and quickly turn around.
Early in my journey, it was extremely frustrating because I kept shooting for the moon when I tried to develop a set of consistent beliefs in order to save my faith. Since I began to clearly see the contradictions and inconsistencies of the Bible (I know guys I’m beating a dead horse here), I focused on what I determined were Christian actions which would speak louder than words. I kept my fingers crossed and, with hope against hope, believed I could discover the ever illusive light at the end of the tunnel. However, at the end of the day, I failed miserably.
There were those who thought I was trying to think outside of the box just because I had too much time on my hands to twiddle my thumbs since I had ceased attending church and participating in all the activities surrounding that commitment. When in fact, I was quite busy truly experiencing life and lived in a constant state of being under the wire.
It was also no skin off my nose to be critical about some of the hypocrisy and abusive tendencies I saw in the church. As a result, some of my friends were all bent out of shape and could not understand why I insisted on airing dirty laundry and rocking the boat. In their opinion I should call it a day, take a chill, be a team player and just be content with some aspect of my Christian beliefs. In essence, they wanted me to keep the damn baby. However, the reality was, I no longer saw eye to eye with many of those friends. Spiritually, I took certain leaps that when push came to shove, strained some of those relationships. With my family, however, I did try my best not to make mountains out of molehills and to simply carry on like everything was just peachy (well, more or less).
Now that the dust has settled, I look back and realize the baby was only an illusion. All that was really there was dirty water than truly needed to be thrown out. Now I’m back to the drawing board and am as happy as a clam. I do still, however, hate clichés!
- The de-Convert