I am a dependent.
To eat, I depend on the farmers, shippers, wholesalers and retailers to supply food for me to buy. I depend on the miners and smelters to produce minerals that the equipment manufacturers need to supply so the farmers etc can do their jobs. I depend on the road builders to keep me fed and clothed. I depend on the dam builders to provide electricity. I depend on the rule of law to keep crazies from imposing their warped sense of privilege on me. I depend on the computer manufacturers so I can communicate my loathing of religion. I depend, depend, depend. The list is much longer than the attention span of all but the most determined, so you can fill in the blanks.

What I don’t depend on is any mythological characters to feed, clothe, shelter or comfort me. I don’t blame imaginary entities when viruses lay me low. I don’t hate imaginary beings. Don’t foist your delusions on me and I won’t hate you either.

Changing your belief system does not leave you the same person you were before. Your whole perspective on life changes, you interact with people differently, your choices are different. As for agnosticism, I cannot imagine a life where my belief is in myself and other human beings – one could go insane, we would eventually have an uninhabitable world due to our tendencies to hurt and take advantage of each other. Not that there is no good in us, it’s just that it is not a constant. If you have a loved one who has de-converted, pray like you have never prayed before. Don’t give up, talk to your priest, pastor, or spiritual counselor and ask for their prayers. Only God has the power to touch the heart of a man. Don’t seek for advice from this site.

Glad you’re here. Hang out, ask questions, read. The major reason for this site (and our associated site – see top left of page) is to help and support people in your situation.

Don’t push your wife to talk about it. If she wants to talk, OK. Then try to listen a lot and talk a lot less. For now concentrate on living as a good person so she can see that the basic, descent human being she married is still the same.

As for going to church, that depends on how well you can tolerate the whole thing. I go, but then we attend an Eastern Orthodox Church and that is much easier to put up with that most Protestant churches.

You know your lady and yourself best. Maybe church attendance is good for you, maybe not. Obviously if it makes you sick to go, that’s not good. Please talk more about it if you like. Others here will have good perspectives for you.

Thanks for your answers and your questions.

The lack of evidence for a personal God is probably the single most common thread in all of our de-conversion stories hereabouts. Assuming that your husband has put time and thought into this, he’s probably thoroughly sure of his position now. I can bet pretty safely that he struggled hard with this loss of faith. Most of us did. The period of time between when one first realizes that the evidence (or lack thereof) is piling up against a God existing and the time that one finally accepts the conclusion is a frightening and ugly period. We all struggled and prayed and cried against it. Likely your husband went through this too. And now he’s trying to rebuild in a world that no longer has a deity to take care of things. It’s not easy at first.

I guess I said all that so you’d know that this was no light or easy decision for your husband. And returning to faith is highly unlikely. (People who leave the faith to go “sin” are actually pretty likely to return some day. People who leave because of thought and evidence are not.)

As for someone to talk to; you know the people in your life. Since you aren’t Catholic or Orthodox, you lack the advantage of knowing a priest who absolutely will not divulge what you confess to him. if you do need to talk to some believer, make sure it is someone you know will NOT talk to others, or to your husband. The worst thing would be for people to start trying to “win him back”.

Regarding your specific questions:
. I do not plan on telling them [kids] unless they start to ask questions. Or should I?

Let them ask questions. Get them to ask your husband so he can answer. You can tell them dad doesn’t believe in God anymore, but leave anything further for your husband or the two of you together. Depending on your kids ages and personalities, they may or may not pursue the answers.

Should I make him continue to go to church or should I let him stay home, If so what do I say when people start to ask questions?

Make him go? No. He may have friends in the church who he will still want to see and talk to. That would give him some incentive to go. He may just go, at least for a while, out of habit, or to prevent a lot of nagging queries. At any rate, let him know you’re fine either way. You’d like him along, but if he doesn’t want to do, trying to make him go will only lead to strife.
Ask your husband what answer he would like you to give to their questions. He may want them to know the whole story, or he may want to give them an evasive, dismissive pseudo-answer, or he may want them to mind their own business.

Be sure to keep the communication open with your husband. This time is stressful for a marriage, but it can and does turn out OK. In fact I don’t think any of us on this list have seen our marriages break up because of de-converting. (If i’ve forgotten someone, they’ll let me know.)

Couple of mistakes we made when my faith deconstructed. Unlike the advice of LeoPardus, my wife told a lot of people in the church. Strangers were coming up to me and asking how I was doing, which made me very uncomfortable there. She was hurting and it was hard for her to hold things in, so I understand, but that was the end result anyway.

Like Quester said though, definitely find someone you can talk to, and if you can let your husband know who you are talking to, because it is so important to keep the lines of communication open. If you care about each other and can communicate honestly and constructively, things should work out and you can even draw closer through the adventure of life together. It is just REALLY HARD WORK sometimes.