Comments on: Coming Home for Christmas (after de-conversion)

By: cag

cag — Wed, 18 Aug 2010 21:50:41 +0000

marco #20 – Why would any individual who has realized that there are no gods consider any religion. Why would they want to exchange truth for the lies of religion. Just because your parents led to you does not give you carte blanche to spread those lies (although that is what religion is, the spreading of lies for the profit of the few). People who think for themselves are able to see that all religion is false. Educate yourself, learn how the world really works – hint: it is not found in the bible.

By: marco

marco — Wed, 18 Aug 2010 10:16:55 +0000

Wonderful essay, Richard. Have you considered Catholicism? I think you would find the emphasis on humanity and the understanding of suffering refreshing and truthful compared to fundamentalism.

By: seniorsaint

seniorsaint — Sun, 30 Dec 2007 01:51:59 +0000

I am saddened by these posts and feel powerless to do anything about it.

By: LeoPardus

LeoPardus — Thu, 27 Dec 2007 22:11:11 +0000

My home, from my birth until I was almost 20, could only have been called “Churchian” (i.e. we went to church ’cause that’s what decent folk do). I certainly didn’t care much about the faith, and the churches we attended were pretty tame (like Methodists).

I converted into fundyism, stayed there for many years, then finally left it for the EOC.

By: TheNorEaster

TheNorEaster — Thu, 27 Dec 2007 17:47:02 +0000

Is there anyone who has been–or is in the process of being–de-converted that did not grow up in a fundamentalist home or background…?

By: exevangel

exevangel — Thu, 27 Dec 2007 16:06:05 +0000

Time seems to be not quite enough for me somehow. It’s been more than 6 years since I walked away from my old life and I’m still pretty angry. It’s quite directed, though, it’s not general anger at all Christians or all of Christianity, and in fact I’m good friends with and have long discussions with an Episcopalian priest on a fairly regular basis. In my case the anger’s very firmly directed at the Evangelicals and the ultra-conservative middle-America two-facedness that is dominant in my family. I feel as though there is brainwashing that goes on there and it’s very much an accepted part of the faith, that keeping on with it requires otherwise smart people to become somewhat delusional and I managed to get stuck in that for a while, trying to fit in and be part of the club even though it defied all logic. And I guess that’s why this post hit such a chord with me, that I hadn’t made the connections between my feelings about Christmas and the church versus Christmas and my family, it’s all part of the picture and part of why I stayed away and made my own traditions of a more solstice/winter feast sort. Regardless, I’ve started therapy for the first time in my life to try and deal with my family issues and learn to function in a world where I can be okay with myself and not be a fundamentalist or evangelical. I agree with Karen too–it’s impossible to be completely negative because I wouldn’t be who I am today without the experiences I had in my first 25 years. I just hope it doesn’t take the next 25 to adjust to my new worldview and overcome the anger.

I don’t actually feel the need to counter-evangelize in general, but the one exception is that occasionally I try to get my sister (still firmly in the clutches of the evangelicals) to admit that what she’s spouting does not make sense and that she should think about what she’s saying instead of just repeating the party line.

By: karen

karen — Wed, 26 Dec 2007 23:55:12 +0000

What did it take to get past that?

Time.

I’ve noticed that it takes an average of 3-5 years after deconversion to be able to be fairly neutral toward religion. Of course, some people seem to be fine after a few months and others are still bitter and angry after 20 years, so it’s highly dependent on the personality type.

I’m a fairly optimistic, easy going person and even I was very angry for a couple of years. My main problem was thinking about how much time, energy and money I devoted to the church and how many important decisions I made based on “Jesus will work out all things for good,” instead of using logic and reason.

What I finally concluded (after time did its job dulling the pain) was that I wouldn’t be the person I am today had I not been a Christian, and so rather than bemoan and regret it’s better to embrace what was good and acknowledge my past for what it was instead of evaluating and re-evaluating it.

Mostly what I’m grateful for now is that I emerged from the fog of fundamentalism while I’m still young enough to un-do some of the damage of narrow-minded thinking.

By: LeoPardus

LeoPardus — Wed, 26 Dec 2007 23:11:45 +0000

exevangel:

I think you’re not the only one hereabouts that has a bad memory or reaction to your former faith. I’ve heard a few such stories.

Makes me glad that my own experience in the Church was largely quite positive. I don’t have any anger or bitterness toward it. It just isn’t true, so I don’t believe anymore.

I wonder, who here had a bad experience, and had highly negative feelings toward the Christian faith after leaving it, and has now gotten past that? I.e. you don’t feel angry, or bitter, or have a need to counter-evangelize, and can just live and let live, or at least just ignore.

What did it take to get past that?

By: exevangel

exevangel — Wed, 26 Dec 2007 21:17:21 +0000

Beautifully said, and nice to see that others have the same problem. I have refused to go “home” for Christmas the last two years, and even really rejected playing along with the happy family ideals by not calling on Christmas Eve or Day. I’m sure my family does not understand why I am so angry or why I cannot seem to just shut up and act in line and be happy with them on their special day. It’s like, more than anything, the one day of the year that makes me the most crazy now, the most bitter about all the lies I was told, and the most likely to cause my blood pressure to rise. Even managing to stay away but feeling the pressures to call and acknowledge the family’s being together for the holiday makes me edgy and ornery.

By: hermipowell

hermipowell — Sat, 22 Dec 2007 05:07:09 +0000

I will celebrate how good the Savior Jesus is. He’s WORTH IT!!!!Live Life to the Fullest!!!!