You might be a Fundy if…

January 6, 2008 at 12:56 am 58 comments

laughing at computerSomeone recently mentioned making some Jeff Foxworthy type one liners about Christian Fundamentalists. I always like a good laugh, so I searched and found that there are quite a few out there. Here’s a selection. Enjoy the grins.

You might be a Fundy if…

  • You see nothing wrong with stating “facts” about what God thinks as if you are His personal secretary.
  • You complain about Christians not being allowed to practice their religion in foreign countries, yet when someone tries to set up a Hindu temple/Mosque/Pagan or new age bookshop in your town you go ballistic and think it shouldn’t be allowed.
  • Your typical prayer uses the phrase “Lord Jesus” or “Lord God” more times than the Bible.
  • God regularly opens up convenient parking spaces, JUST FOR YOU.
  • You think people who enjoy science fiction and fantasy, especially those who enjoy the Harry Potter novels, are going to be in hell.
  • You think that being tortured for all of eternity for any reason is an appropriate punishment.
  • You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.
  • You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.
  • You feel insulted and “dehumanized” when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.
  • Your face turns purple when you hear of the “atrocities” attributed to Allah, but you don’t even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in “Exodus” and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in “Joshua” including women, children, animals and trees!
  • You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of the Earth (a few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is just a few generations old.
  • You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs — though excluding those in all rival sects – will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most “tolerant” and “loving.”
  • While modern science, history, geology, biology, physics and textual scholarship fail to convince you that the Bible may be less than reliable, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in “tongues” is all the evidence you need to “prove” Christianity.
  • You define 0.01% as a “high success rate” when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply God saying “No.”
  • You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history – but still call yourself a Christian.

- LeoPardus

Entry filed under: LeoPardus. Tags: , , , , .

How to discover counterfeit Christianity? So what is the process from damnation to Christian salvation?

58 Comments Add your own

  • 1. LorMarie  |  January 6, 2008 at 2:54 pm

    “You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history – but still call yourself a Christian.”–LeoPardus

    And I would have to say that this is probably the most common fundy charactaristic of them all.

  • 2. the deacon  |  January 6, 2008 at 4:18 pm

    While modern science, history, geology, biology, physics and textual scholarship fail to convince you that the Bible may be less than reliable, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in “tongues” is all the evidence you need to “prove” Christianity.

    LP…. Your list is a fun read. I would note, while some Charismatics are Fundies, I have found that most Fundies look upon the Charismatic speaking in tongues with disdain and skepticism. From my encounters with Charismatics they tend to be more evangelical than fundamentalists.

  • 3. Rachel  |  January 6, 2008 at 4:32 pm

    Good list, Leo. I would add:

    “when a Republican is elected you think that they are God’s chosen one, but when a Democrat is elected you think the apocolypse is near.”

    “You measure your spiritual maturity by the number of hours you spend in ‘quiet time’ with a devotional by somebody like Max Lucado.”

  • 4. HeIsSailing  |  January 6, 2008 at 4:33 pm

    You might be a Fundy if…

    you don’t trust any church pastor who received his biblical knowledge from a seminary or university. You trust the pastor who learned about the bible by the private guidance of the Holy Spirit more than one who has degrees hanging on the wall.

    As a former fundy, I plead guilty to this one..!!

  • 5. Bill Vincent  |  January 6, 2008 at 4:39 pm

    Thanks for the chuckles…and the sad shaking of the head. :)

    These are spot on, each one I can attribute to one or more people in my life.

  • 6. Kris  |  January 6, 2008 at 6:51 pm

    You also might be a fundy if you insist of taking EVERY SINGLE word of the Bible literally….. except for the ones that you just don’t like!

  • 7. HeIsSailing  |  January 6, 2008 at 7:00 pm

    You might be a Fundy if…

    you have serious internal moral struggles, like wondering if you should preach the Gospel of Jesus to your lost neighbor, or if you should instead witness by just ‘living your life as a good testimony’.

    You might be a Fundy if…

    you usually choose the latter option, and always feel guilty that you did.

  • 8. locomotivebreath1901  |  January 6, 2008 at 7:39 pm

    A little obtuse & bigoted, but, all in all, good for a chuckle.

    Touche`

    But I still think the ones about anti-theists are more hilarious.

  • 9. Sunshine  |  January 6, 2008 at 9:40 pm

    WOW these are dead on and disturbing..funny and yet really disturbing that a lot of these are true….quite a sober wakeup call! Thanks for posting this.

  • 10. TheDeeZone  |  January 6, 2008 at 11:39 pm

    You might be fundy if …
    You regularly gossip, tell lies, and cause general havic but are more “Christian” than other women co-workers because you have never worn pants.

    You believe it is ok to fire the best professor at your demonations seminary because she is a woman and hire inexperienced poorly trained male to replace her.

    You elminate the Christian ethics program from your demomations seminary because Christians shouldn’t be studying ethics.

    You are afraid that reading a Bible other than the KJV will cause someone to loose their faith.

    Or you have ever used this line on a girl. It is God’s will that you marry me. (Gee funny he didn’t tell me that.

  • 11. TheDeeZone  |  January 6, 2008 at 11:40 pm

    Oh one more…
    You wake up craving chicken in the middle of the night & interpret that as call to ministry.

  • 12. TheNorEaster  |  January 7, 2008 at 12:09 am

    I’ve seen many of those attributes and attitudes in “Christians.”

    Which is precisely why I abandoned fundamentalism.

    Now, I am relieved to say that I am a Christian and I don’t fit any of those “qualifications.”

  • 13. Samanthamj  |  January 7, 2008 at 2:53 am

    Ha! Pertty funny… I had to love this one –

    “God regularly opens up convenient parking spaces, JUST FOR YOU.”

    I have vivid memories of my mother racing to church services, and praying for green lights… and many times literally running red lights… then thanking Jesus for allowing her to do so without getting any tickets….
    Amazinly enough, I don’t ever remember getting any tickets either. Maybe God really did want us to be on time. ;) LOL

    ~smj

  • 14. genesiawilliams  |  January 7, 2008 at 3:01 am

    “God regularly opens up convenient parking spaces, JUST FOR YOU. ”

    I don’t know if I am particulary fundamentalist but God really does do that sometimes. I may be naive too, but I’m not cold, or tired from walking to the Nordstroms entrance at the mall (a 100 yard dash from Section 847 B Green.

    (and… I don’t have a problem with Section 847 B Green… I just like good parking spaces)

  • 15. Jersey  |  January 7, 2008 at 3:07 am

    You could also be a fundie if…

    you think that just because Bill Gates gives a larger percentage of his personal funds to charity but still is going to hell for denying God’s existence, but you call yourself a “Christian” and barely give the minimal tithe. :mrgreen:

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  • 17. HeIsSailing  |  January 7, 2008 at 8:27 am

    You might be a Fundy if…

    When going on a date with a fellow Fundy, you sit with a bible placed between the two of you so you don’t touch each other.

    I am guilty of that one from my high school years!!

  • 18. Shannon Lewis  |  January 7, 2008 at 9:53 am

    Whew…good.
    Turns out, even as an Evangelical Christian, that I apparently don’t even KNOW any fundamentalists! Good to know.

  • 19. HeIsSailing  |  January 7, 2008 at 10:06 am

    You might be a Fundy if…

    You think an ‘Evangelical’ is a carnal Christian who does not have the true, transforming dunamis of the Holy Ghost to be a real, on-fire-for-Jesus ‘Fundamentalist’.

    guilty. I once told a fan of Robert Schuller that he was not a real Christian. gag

  • 20. HeIsSailing  |  January 7, 2008 at 10:08 am

    TheDeeZone:

    You elminate the Christian ethics program from your demomations seminary because Christians shouldn’t be studying ethics.

    Thanks. This one made me laugh. Oh, how I can relate…

  • 21. TheDeeZone  |  January 7, 2008 at 10:42 am

    Jersey,

    And I thought it was because Bill Gates was associated with that evil Microsoft Virsus.

    HelSailing,

    In college the fundy college down the road had a rule that on dates they had to be a hymnal width’s apart. We figures out how to place a hymnal between you and be less than 2 inches apart. Ok so we balanced it on the point of one corner.

    The one about ethics is actually true. I have been called a liberal and had my sexual orination questioned because I was female pursuing the academically better degree and was studying ethics. I taught at a Christian high school and one day at lunch the resident fundy got upset because at lunch I was discussing theology with my husband and another male teacher. She actually that wasn’t the place discuss theology & I had know place teaching men.

    DH

  • 22. HeIsSailing  |  January 7, 2008 at 11:19 am

    DeeZone gets nostalgic;

    dates they had to be a hymnal width’s apart. We figures out how to place a hymnal between you and be less than 2 inches apart.

    In my highschool, bibles had to be placed between the boys and girls. Actually, we did this more on the bus to school basketball games than actual dates. The boys’ team sat in the back to discuss strategy, so inevitably, boys and girls had to sit on the same seat in front. Bibles had to be placed between us kids – I guess so our carnal lusts would not get the better of us.

    Hilarious – I have had my sexual orientation questioned for pretty much the same reason – although a different setting than yours.

  • 23. TheDeeZone  |  January 7, 2008 at 12:58 pm

    HelSailing,

    They actually place Bibles between you? I worked with the youth in a large church on trips that invovled driving at night we would have a boys bus & a girls bus. During the day it was pretty much a jr high bus and a sr high bus. I was glad we put the boys on another bus because the male sponors were always kept awake by the boys. We could at least sleep.

    I guess they just ignored the fact I was married to a man.

    DH

  • 24. Jeremy Myers  |  January 7, 2008 at 2:01 pm

    So funny!…even though some of them stung a bit for me. I guess that in some ways, despite my current questions, I am still a fundamental, evangelical Christian.

  • 25. karen  |  January 7, 2008 at 2:08 pm

    You wake up craving chicken in the middle of the night & interpret that as call to ministry.

    ROTFLMAO!! Dee, that’s hilarious. How about this one:

    You might be a fundy if you nod appreciatively and murmur “amen” during sermons about the lusts of the flesh, and the importance of “making your body the temple of the holy spirit,” and then meet your Sunday school class after service for a 3,600-calorie Belgian waffle-eggs-and bacon Sunday brunch, followed by a hot fudge sundae.

  • 26. Ray  |  January 7, 2008 at 3:09 pm

    You might be a fundy if

    you believe premarital sex might lead to DANCING!

    you use the hymnal as a make-believe tambourine

    you’ve ever made change from the offering plate as it passes.

  • 27. LeoPardus  |  January 7, 2008 at 3:16 pm

    You might be a fundy if…. you read the passage, “In as much as it lies within you, live at peace with all men.” and then go out and picket against Jehovah’s Witnesses, evolutionists, atheists, Promise Keepers, and anyone else who doesn’t agree with you 100%.

    (In light of this one, I must offer a personal “Mea culpa.”)

  • 28. TheDeeZone  |  January 7, 2008 at 5:04 pm

    Ray, Ok I have tried to make change from the offering plate but I was under the age of 7. My mom put a quick stop to that one. — DH

  • 29. Last Day in Austin Jan. 2008 « blueollie  |  January 7, 2008 at 5:34 pm

    [...] From DeConversion: you might be a fundie if: [...]

  • 30. HeIsSailing  |  January 7, 2008 at 9:03 pm

    TheDeeZone asks:

    They actually place Bibles between you?

    Yup, real Bibles. It was a very small, private Baptist school. Somewhere between 40 and 50 kids from grades 1-12 total. No worries about running short of Bibles there.

    Ray,

    you’ve ever made change from the offering plate as it passes.

    , that is just awful..!! You must have been a very bad boy..!!

  • [...] 8, 2008 LeoPardus recently posted a few You might be a Fundy if… one-liners. Among them was: You might be a Fundy if… God regularly opens up convenient [...]

  • 32. JustChris  |  January 7, 2008 at 11:37 pm

    You might be a fundy if…
    You proselytize with the fervor of an insurance agent, as if you will receive an “upline commision” from God.

  • [...] caught this list of telltale signs over at De-conversion:  Resources for Skeptical, De-converting or Former Christians.  Here are a [...]

  • 34. TheDeeZone  |  January 8, 2008 at 1:10 am

    HelSailing,
    I attended a Baptist college but Church of Christ school down the road thought we were sinful because we wore shorts on their campus. However their dorms didn’t have frosted windows or shades in the showers. It was very scary

    D

  • 35. HeIsSailing  |  January 8, 2008 at 7:39 am

    DeeZone confesses:
    <blockquote.I attended a Baptist college but Church of Christ school down the road thought we were sinful because we wore shorts on their campus.

    Holy smokes!! Our schoolgirls were definitely not allowed to wear shorts. Or pants for that matter. Or makeup. Having stylish hair was ok, but a few of the girls never cut their hair. You should have seen our basketball cheerleaders. I still have photos of the poor girls in white sweaters with a megaphone patch on the chest, and blue ankle-length skirts.

    Our school was in the basement of the local Baptist church, but that was definitely the most conservative Baptist church I ever saw.

  • 36. Lugnut  |  January 8, 2008 at 9:27 am

    You are full of false knowledge.
    1 Timothy 6:20

  • 37. James Koran  |  January 8, 2008 at 10:11 am

    You might be a Fundy…

    If you mix prune juice and holy water together to experience a religeous movement.

  • 38. Scholaster  |  January 8, 2008 at 10:57 am

    You might be a Fundy if you think naming a tangentially related chapter and verse constitutes an argument.

    One correction to the original list, though: I’ve never heard fundamentalists describe their religion as “tolerant.” They might accuse other people of intolerance, but I don’t think they usually consider tolerance a virtue in themselves.

  • 39. abyssalleviathin  |  January 8, 2008 at 12:00 pm

    I think I remember seeing almost all of these on the Fundies Say the Darndest Things forum.

  • 40. TheDeeZone  |  January 8, 2008 at 10:21 pm

    Helsailing,

    Have you ever noticed reliogous fundamentalist require women to weird while the men are allowed to dress stylishly

    DH

  • 41. HeIsSailing  |  January 8, 2008 at 10:30 pm

    DeeZone,
    I dunno about that. I was raised in a Jesus Freak hippie commune, but my Baptist school made me wear a dopey tie and required my hair to be cut. Talk about a fish out of water! But I think I know what you mean.

  • 42. Russell  |  January 8, 2008 at 10:31 pm

    You might be a Libby (religious liberal) if…
    You look down on the “intolerant” fundys, since you are so much more tolerant, except where fundys are concerned. Nope, no hypocrisy here….

    You are more concerned with saving carcasses than you are with saving souls… (We will fill their bellies, but to preach Christ to them would be just too much to ask)

    You feel a perverse need to apologize for 2000+ years of Western Civilization….

    You feel more anger over Global Warming than persecution in Sudan and many other places…

    You use socialist code words like “social justice,” ignoring that socialism killed more people in the last century than all the religious wars put together from the last twenty centuries

    and, finally, you say that Jesus was a proto-socialist, or a radical reformer, or a wiccan, or a Buddhist, or a wise teacher, anything other than saying He was the Son of God

  • 43. LeoPardus  |  January 9, 2008 at 11:34 am

    Russell:

    Suffering a bit of an insecurity complex are you? Yep.

  • 44. confusedchristian  |  January 9, 2008 at 11:42 am

    You tell them Russell! Hows it feel to know the absolute truths about the universe!?!? It must feel AWESOME! lol

  • 45. TheDeeZone  |  January 9, 2008 at 9:04 pm

    Russell,

    You look down on the “intolerant” fundys, since you are so much more tolerant, except where fundys are concerned. Nope, no hypocrisy here….

    I am not liberal, but I have serious issues with most fundys for the same reason your post bothers me.

    DH

  • 46. gwz  |  January 10, 2008 at 7:06 pm

    …you might be underaged, if you read Harry Potter.

  • 47. Dr. Ding  |  January 13, 2008 at 1:40 pm

    I think you’re goddamned brilliant, and I love your website!

    Wait….can I even SAY goddamned on here?

    You get the idea.

    Kisses,

    Dr. Ding

  • 48. Anonymous  |  April 23, 2008 at 2:04 pm

    Leo Pardus, you are a fool for this one! (this is a compliment) You are right about this one. One more thing: How can Christians disbelieve in magic and such, yet so many prophets in the Bible have magical and spiritual powers. I believe in miracles and God, but that’s just stupid.

  • 49. So What is a Fundamentalist?  |  June 12, 2008 at 5:08 am

    [...] resource might be the de-conversion blog’s humorous collection of one liners of the form You might be a Fundy if… Using a humorous approach (with many a true word spoken in jest), it sketches out the [...]

  • 50. Jeffrey  |  November 9, 2008 at 1:36 am

    You believe that the Jews are God’s chosen people, and that most of them are going to burn for eternity.

    Much of your knowledge of music theory comes from analyzing the rhythmic structure of a song to see if the beat is displeasing to God.

    You want Christians to be persecuted so as to purify the church while simultaneously complaining that Christians are a persecuted minority.

  • 51. Josh  |  November 9, 2008 at 2:44 am

    Good ones Jeffrey!

    Here’s some more:

    You spend hours “studying” everyone in the world who is wrong, not because they have good arguments, but just so you can figure out how wrong they are.

    You are proud of your ability to stand strong in your faith when evidence is raised against it, and feel warmly smug when someone gets frustrated at your confidence.

    You enjoy debates between Christians and “worldly” scholars knowing that if the Christians win it is victory for the faith, but if they lose they are just a persecuted minority and Christianity is not about evidence anyway.

    You get a warm fuzzy feeling knowing that God is on your side and will win in the end anyway.

    You’ve never seriously asked the question “If I am wrong, how would I know?”

  • 52. You might be a Fundy if… « A Cup of Coffee  |  November 15, 2008 at 6:29 pm

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  • 53. Graham ASH-PORTER  |  November 22, 2008 at 5:48 am

    Expanded list to had out to FUNDY leafleters
    YOU MIGHT BE A CHRISTIAN FUNDAMENTALIST IF….
     You complain when Christians aren’t allowed to practice their religion in other countries. Yet you go berserk, for example, when someone tries to set up a Mosque in your neighbourhood, complaining about the Moslem call to prayer from minarets. Yet we all have to tolerate your Church Bells, Christmas Carol singing in the streets. Also door to door and on-street proselytizing, trying to convert already happy people from their current religion, or the even happier non-religious and atheists to join your Church. We don’t need your self-opinionated, patronising, religious education on myths, or want to catch your diseased, archaic delusions. Why can’t you leave us all alone and mind your own business? We are happy enough without listening to your drivel, your fear and guilt mongering and downright lies!
     Your face turns purple when you hear of the “atrocities” attributed to Allah. But you don’t even flinch when hearing about how your ‘loving’ God, Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in Exodus and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in Joshua including women, children, and trees! The Old Testament is liberally littered with such ‘(UN) Godly’ barbarism. You can keep all your cruel God(s), Judaism, Christianity and Islam.
     You call Jesus Christ the ‘Prince of Peace’, ignoring where He commands people to take up arms. Luke 22:36-37
     You don’t object when current Political or Religious leaders say ‘God told them’ to wage war against Muslim Nations. Sounds just like the ‘holy Wars’ of the past. They too were about taking people, land and possessions, under the pretext of converting the ignorant infidel. It’s about oil this time. At least your Christian Slavery is mostly outlawed now, except for you, a paying slave to your Church! Nowadays people who say that ‘God told them’ to commit a murder or other heinous crime, are usually locked up in an insane asylum for their own protection and the public’s safety too. Why then should today’s Religious or Political Leaders be exempted and treated any differently?
     You call your Bible ‘Holy’ yet it contains filth, sexism, oppression, slavery, mayhem, murder, wars and division of peoples. What’s holy about that? This negative immoral message far out-weighs the so called ‘Good News’.
     You believe that Religion in general and Christianity in particular, is the only way for people to behave morally. Kept under control by an all-seeing, vengeful God. 2,000 years of Christianity and the world is still cruel & selfish! Study your Bible and see why. Also, most atheists are moral without the need for a God. The Golden Rule of, behaving to others as we would like to be treated by them, predates both Judaism and Christianity by thousands of years.
     You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by religions of others, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of your Christian God(s). Whether they be Atheist or of another ‘Faith’ or Religion.
     You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans and animals, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women. But you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated (read – raped a married woman) a ‘virgin’ – Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god, who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky. Which are actually all ideas copied from other, even older, religions (maybe to gain some credibility from them)! Your Christian holy days have mostly borrowed pagan dates and even make use of some of their pagan festivals and ceremonies!
     You laugh at polytheistic (many Gods) religions, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God (Father, Son and Holy Spirit [Ghost]). The first verse of Hebrew Bible says GODS (Elohim) created heaven and Earth.
     You consider a single prayer that was ‘answered’ during your life time as a high success rate. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% failure rate of unanswered prayers was simply the will of God. Mathematical Probability would provide the same odds and success/failure rate!
     You constantly challenge the work of respected scientists who established the age of the Earth as millions if not billions of years old through sound scientific, replicable practices, but have no problem believing the word of ancient Bronze Age Jewish tribesman and later clever, curious clerics, who think it’s only numerous Biblical generations old. The 7 day creation of Genesis, then the fictional Adam, Moses through to Jesus, plus the 2,000 years since Christ.
     You feel insulted and “dehumanized” when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms out of necessity for survival, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that humans were created straight from dirt.
     You believe followers of every other (or even no) religion will spend an eternity in a Hell of suffering for not accepting Jesus, but still consider your religion the most just, tolerant, loving and understanding.
     You believe you must be born again, because of the sins of Adam & Eve. Too crazy & immoral to merit response.
     You believe ancient, old debunked myths, like the Devil and Witchcraft are still relevant today and will therefore avoid Harry Potter movies amongst other things, just to be safe. The Devil is in the mind of those who dwell on it, YOU!
     You feel that while modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in “tongues” may be all the evidence you need to “prove” Christianity.
     You think it quite reasonable that a man (Noah) could horde 2 or 7 of every animal on the planet, put them all in a boat, and have enough food to keep them alive for 40 days, Let alone cleaning the muck out.
     You are arrogant and vain enough to think the Earth and its (human) inhabitants are the centre of and the only (human) life in the entire universe, despite it being statistically impossible. God is only interested in you.
     You dismiss the scientifically proven explanation of any event because you don’t understand it, or it conflicts with Biblical myths, but are happy to just say “God did it” without any tangible proof.
     You think AIDS is Gods punishment for homosexuality, which you see as a reversible choice instead of genetic.
     You think earthquakes, floods and other of nature’s catastrophes are God’s punishing a disobedient people.
     You think a warm fluffy feeling is proof of God. The self-same feeling one can get from Love, friends, beautiful music, art and Natures scenes. Of course you believe Nature is God’s handiwork, so round we go in circles again.
     You deplore homosexuality, but will vigorously defend your own Pastor if and when he is caught playing with choirboys. Or he will be quietly moved on to another Parish (In the hopes he will reform)!?
     You know less than your atheist and agnostic friends do about the Bible, Christianity, and the history of your Churches – but still call yourself a Christian. If you are ever allowed to read the whole Bible with an intelligent, rational, critical eye, you will be in for a lot of shocks. Your Pastor will not be able to explain the violence and inconsistencies!
     You and your Church think anyone with an enquiring, rational, open mind has been influenced by your Devil.
     Your church is one of thousands of denominations or sects. If Christianities message is so pure and simple, why so many variable beliefs and Bibles within Christianity? So which Church and which of many Bibles holds the ‘Truth’?
     You think your Church is the only one practicing ‘true’ Christianity, whilst all the others are headed for hell. Protestants hate Catholics, Baptists hate Presbyterians, and Jehovah’s Witnesses hate you all. And that is before you begin hating other religions – the ‘deluded Muslims’, Buddhists, Hindus, Taoists etc. Not to mention the Atheists!
     Your Preacher encourages you not to rationalise, think or doubt, but accept everything he or the Bible says as being true. That’s called keeping you in ignorance. We would still be living in the dark ages if we had all done that. Along with the inquisition, its theft of property and its torture and murder at the stake for the millions who dared to question the priesthood. Both Roman Catholic and the Protestant Churches are equally guilty of such base cruelty.
     You share common points of view with the same types of people who thought the Earth was flat and the centre of the Universe. It took science to prove otherwise, but you must still accept the myths and fairy stories with faith, or incur the wrath of your Church and/or your enraged, jealous, possessive, merciless (Loving!?) God, Jehovah.
     You find it difficult or even impossible to accept ways of science and its conclusions only because they conflict with the Bible. A Bible full of errors and contradictions, whichever of the many ‘Holey’ Bibles you choose to pick up?
     You believe that the Bible is the word of God or at least inspired by Him, incapable of error. It is a motley collection from different writers, written after the event, recopied over the centuries, with mistakes. Purposely doctored to fit current beliefs of the day, bits or whole books left out, bits or whole books put in. Yet even now you claim the Bible is still inerrant!? I sincerely hope it does contain mistakes, because I couldn’t worship such a God as Jehovah as he is portrayed in your ‘Holy’ Bible. Who incidentally is every bit as evil (if not more so) as your ‘so called’ Devil.

  • 54. georgeI  |  November 23, 2008 at 6:16 pm

    I actually read the last post completely through and it really got me to thinking about yawning. What does yawning actually do? For example, when reading an old and worn out set of ideas as those posited just above, one begins the “yawning response”—which is a natural bodily repsponse to boredom and repitition.

    But what is a yawn? What is it’s evolutionary purpose? Is it part of the body’s defense mechanism left in place after thousands of years of evolution, as a direct combatant to postulations such as Graham”s? It makes one wonder.

  • 55. Ubi Dubium  |  November 24, 2008 at 11:25 am

    Hey – Graham did a fine list! It wasn’t old and worn out at all, it was direct, and focused on responding to the evangelizers.

    georgel – if you’re bored go read some other blog.

  • 56. Graham ASH-PORTER  |  November 27, 2008 at 1:31 pm

    Sorry if I bored you Georgel. It is supposed to make people stop and think instead of condemning everyone to hell who believe everyone of the above points. If thinking makes you yawn, then I am sorry for you. I cannot believe you read every one of the above and yet did not respond to one point. What a boring person you must be if you can’t have a rational response to intelligent rejoinders to Fundies handouts. No wonder there are wars and terrorism in the name of religion… Graham

  • 57. Graham ASH-PORTER  |  December 20, 2008 at 5:35 am

    Paddy has invented a ‘Diet Holy Water’ for the weight conscious Catholics. He’s calling it ‘I can’t believe it’s not Jesus’…

  • 58. Graham ASH-PORTER  |  December 20, 2008 at 5:58 am

    I have a quandry? Jesus was a Jew. For 2000 years Christians have persecuted and hated Jews. ergo Christians hate Jesus! mmm, now where do you go, o hateful ones. P.S. this doesn’t apply to the more tolerant among you…

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Attention Christian Readers

Just in case you were wondering who we are and why we de-converted.

de-conversion wager

Whether or not you believe in God, you should live your life with love, kindness, compassion, mercy and tolerance while trying to make the world a better place. If there is no God, you have lost nothing and will have made a positive impact on those around you. If there is a benevolent God reviewing your life, you will be judged on your actions and not just on your ability to blindly believe in creeds- when there is a significant lack of evidence on how to define God or if he/she even exists.

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