You might be a Fundy if…
Someone recently mentioned making some Jeff Foxworthy type one liners about Christian Fundamentalists. I always like a good laugh, so I searched and found that there are quite a few out there. Here’s a selection. Enjoy the grins.
You might be a Fundy if…
- You see nothing wrong with stating “facts” about what God thinks as if you are His personal secretary.
- You complain about Christians not being allowed to practice their religion in foreign countries, yet when someone tries to set up a Hindu temple/Mosque/Pagan or new age bookshop in your town you go ballistic and think it shouldn’t be allowed.
- Your typical prayer uses the phrase “Lord Jesus” or “Lord God” more times than the Bible.
- God regularly opens up convenient parking spaces, JUST FOR YOU.
- You think people who enjoy science fiction and fantasy, especially those who enjoy the Harry Potter novels, are going to be in hell.
- You think that being tortured for all of eternity for any reason is an appropriate punishment.
- You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.
- You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.
- You feel insulted and “dehumanized” when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.
- Your face turns purple when you hear of the “atrocities” attributed to Allah, but you don’t even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in “Exodus” and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in “Joshua” including women, children, animals and trees!
- You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of the Earth (a few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is just a few generations old.
- You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs — though excluding those in all rival sects – will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most “tolerant” and “loving.”
- While modern science, history, geology, biology, physics and textual scholarship fail to convince you that the Bible may be less than reliable, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in “tongues” is all the evidence you need to “prove” Christianity.
- You define 0.01% as a “high success rate” when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply God saying “No.”
- You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history – but still call yourself a Christian.