Comments on: You might be a Fundy if…

By: Graham ASH-PORTER

Graham ASH-PORTER — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 09:58:17 +0000

I have a quandry? Jesus was a Jew. For 2000 years Christians have persecuted and hated Jews. ergo Christians hate Jesus! mmm, now where do you go, o hateful ones. P.S. this doesn’t apply to the more tolerant among you…

By: Graham ASH-PORTER

Graham ASH-PORTER — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 09:35:59 +0000

Paddy has invented a ‘Diet Holy Water’ for the weight conscious Catholics. He’s calling it ‘I can’t believe it’s not Jesus’…

By: Graham ASH-PORTER

Graham ASH-PORTER — Thu, 27 Nov 2008 17:31:35 +0000

Sorry if I bored you Georgel. It is supposed to make people stop and think instead of condemning everyone to hell who believe everyone of the above points. If thinking makes you yawn, then I am sorry for you. I cannot believe you read every one of the above and yet did not respond to one point. What a boring person you must be if you can’t have a rational response to intelligent rejoinders to Fundies handouts. No wonder there are wars and terrorism in the name of religion… Graham

By: Ubi Dubium

Ubi Dubium — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 15:25:59 +0000

Hey – Graham did a fine list! It wasn’t old and worn out at all, it was direct, and focused on responding to the evangelizers.

georgel – if you’re bored go read some other blog.

By: georgeI

georgeI — Sun, 23 Nov 2008 22:16:15 +0000

I actually read the last post completely through and it really got me to thinking about yawning. What does yawning actually do? For example, when reading an old and worn out set of ideas as those posited just above, one begins the “yawning response”—which is a natural bodily repsponse to boredom and repitition.

But what is a yawn? What is it’s evolutionary purpose? Is it part of the body’s defense mechanism left in place after thousands of years of evolution, as a direct combatant to postulations such as Graham”s? It makes one wonder.

By: Graham ASH-PORTER

Graham ASH-PORTER — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 09:48:28 +0000

Expanded list to had out to FUNDY leafleters
YOU MIGHT BE A CHRISTIAN FUNDAMENTALIST IF….
 You complain when Christians aren’t allowed to practice their religion in other countries. Yet you go berserk, for example, when someone tries to set up a Mosque in your neighbourhood, complaining about the Moslem call to prayer from minarets. Yet we all have to tolerate your Church Bells, Christmas Carol singing in the streets. Also door to door and on-street proselytizing, trying to convert already happy people from their current religion, or the even happier non-religious and atheists to join your Church. We don’t need your self-opinionated, patronising, religious education on myths, or want to catch your diseased, archaic delusions. Why can’t you leave us all alone and mind your own business? We are happy enough without listening to your drivel, your fear and guilt mongering and downright lies!
 Your face turns purple when you hear of the “atrocities” attributed to Allah. But you don’t even flinch when hearing about how your ‘loving’ God, Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in Exodus and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in Joshua including women, children, and trees! The Old Testament is liberally littered with such ‘(UN) Godly’ barbarism. You can keep all your cruel God(s), Judaism, Christianity and Islam.
 You call Jesus Christ the ‘Prince of Peace’, ignoring where He commands people to take up arms. Luke 22:36-37
 You don’t object when current Political or Religious leaders say ‘God told them’ to wage war against Muslim Nations. Sounds just like the ‘holy Wars’ of the past. They too were about taking people, land and possessions, under the pretext of converting the ignorant infidel. It’s about oil this time. At least your Christian Slavery is mostly outlawed now, except for you, a paying slave to your Church! Nowadays people who say that ‘God told them’ to commit a murder or other heinous crime, are usually locked up in an insane asylum for their own protection and the public’s safety too. Why then should today’s Religious or Political Leaders be exempted and treated any differently?
 You call your Bible ‘Holy’ yet it contains filth, sexism, oppression, slavery, mayhem, murder, wars and division of peoples. What’s holy about that? This negative immoral message far out-weighs the so called ‘Good News’.
 You believe that Religion in general and Christianity in particular, is the only way for people to behave morally. Kept under control by an all-seeing, vengeful God. 2,000 years of Christianity and the world is still cruel & selfish! Study your Bible and see why. Also, most atheists are moral without the need for a God. The Golden Rule of, behaving to others as we would like to be treated by them, predates both Judaism and Christianity by thousands of years.
 You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by religions of others, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of your Christian God(s). Whether they be Atheist or of another ‘Faith’ or Religion.
 You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans and animals, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women. But you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated (read – raped a married woman) a ‘virgin’ – Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god, who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky. Which are actually all ideas copied from other, even older, religions (maybe to gain some credibility from them)! Your Christian holy days have mostly borrowed pagan dates and even make use of some of their pagan festivals and ceremonies!
 You laugh at polytheistic (many Gods) religions, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God (Father, Son and Holy Spirit [Ghost]). The first verse of Hebrew Bible says GODS (Elohim) created heaven and Earth.
 You consider a single prayer that was ‘answered’ during your life time as a high success rate. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% failure rate of unanswered prayers was simply the will of God. Mathematical Probability would provide the same odds and success/failure rate!
 You constantly challenge the work of respected scientists who established the age of the Earth as millions if not billions of years old through sound scientific, replicable practices, but have no problem believing the word of ancient Bronze Age Jewish tribesman and later clever, curious clerics, who think it’s only numerous Biblical generations old. The 7 day creation of Genesis, then the fictional Adam, Moses through to Jesus, plus the 2,000 years since Christ.
 You feel insulted and “dehumanized” when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms out of necessity for survival, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that humans were created straight from dirt.
 You believe followers of every other (or even no) religion will spend an eternity in a Hell of suffering for not accepting Jesus, but still consider your religion the most just, tolerant, loving and understanding.
 You believe you must be born again, because of the sins of Adam & Eve. Too crazy & immoral to merit response.
 You believe ancient, old debunked myths, like the Devil and Witchcraft are still relevant today and will therefore avoid Harry Potter movies amongst other things, just to be safe. The Devil is in the mind of those who dwell on it, YOU!
 You feel that while modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in “tongues” may be all the evidence you need to “prove” Christianity.
 You think it quite reasonable that a man (Noah) could horde 2 or 7 of every animal on the planet, put them all in a boat, and have enough food to keep them alive for 40 days, Let alone cleaning the muck out.
 You are arrogant and vain enough to think the Earth and its (human) inhabitants are the centre of and the only (human) life in the entire universe, despite it being statistically impossible. God is only interested in you.
 You dismiss the scientifically proven explanation of any event because you don’t understand it, or it conflicts with Biblical myths, but are happy to just say “God did it” without any tangible proof.
 You think AIDS is Gods punishment for homosexuality, which you see as a reversible choice instead of genetic.
 You think earthquakes, floods and other of nature’s catastrophes are God’s punishing a disobedient people.
 You think a warm fluffy feeling is proof of God. The self-same feeling one can get from Love, friends, beautiful music, art and Natures scenes. Of course you believe Nature is God’s handiwork, so round we go in circles again.
 You deplore homosexuality, but will vigorously defend your own Pastor if and when he is caught playing with choirboys. Or he will be quietly moved on to another Parish (In the hopes he will reform)!?
 You know less than your atheist and agnostic friends do about the Bible, Christianity, and the history of your Churches – but still call yourself a Christian. If you are ever allowed to read the whole Bible with an intelligent, rational, critical eye, you will be in for a lot of shocks. Your Pastor will not be able to explain the violence and inconsistencies!
 You and your Church think anyone with an enquiring, rational, open mind has been influenced by your Devil.
 Your church is one of thousands of denominations or sects. If Christianities message is so pure and simple, why so many variable beliefs and Bibles within Christianity? So which Church and which of many Bibles holds the ‘Truth’?
 You think your Church is the only one practicing ‘true’ Christianity, whilst all the others are headed for hell. Protestants hate Catholics, Baptists hate Presbyterians, and Jehovah’s Witnesses hate you all. And that is before you begin hating other religions – the ‘deluded Muslims’, Buddhists, Hindus, Taoists etc. Not to mention the Atheists!
 Your Preacher encourages you not to rationalise, think or doubt, but accept everything he or the Bible says as being true. That’s called keeping you in ignorance. We would still be living in the dark ages if we had all done that. Along with the inquisition, its theft of property and its torture and murder at the stake for the millions who dared to question the priesthood. Both Roman Catholic and the Protestant Churches are equally guilty of such base cruelty.
 You share common points of view with the same types of people who thought the Earth was flat and the centre of the Universe. It took science to prove otherwise, but you must still accept the myths and fairy stories with faith, or incur the wrath of your Church and/or your enraged, jealous, possessive, merciless (Loving!?) God, Jehovah.
 You find it difficult or even impossible to accept ways of science and its conclusions only because they conflict with the Bible. A Bible full of errors and contradictions, whichever of the many ‘Holey’ Bibles you choose to pick up?
 You believe that the Bible is the word of God or at least inspired by Him, incapable of error. It is a motley collection from different writers, written after the event, recopied over the centuries, with mistakes. Purposely doctored to fit current beliefs of the day, bits or whole books left out, bits or whole books put in. Yet even now you claim the Bible is still inerrant!? I sincerely hope it does contain mistakes, because I couldn’t worship such a God as Jehovah as he is portrayed in your ‘Holy’ Bible. Who incidentally is every bit as evil (if not more so) as your ‘so called’ Devil.

By: You might be a Fundy if… « A Cup of Coffee

You might be a Fundy if… « A Cup of Coffee — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 22:29:13 +0000

[...] November 16, 2008 by Sharon via You might be a Fundy if… « de-conversion [...]

By: Josh

Josh — Sun, 09 Nov 2008 06:44:33 +0000

Good ones Jeffrey!

Here’s some more:

You spend hours “studying” everyone in the world who is wrong, not because they have good arguments, but just so you can figure out how wrong they are.

You are proud of your ability to stand strong in your faith when evidence is raised against it, and feel warmly smug when someone gets frustrated at your confidence.

You enjoy debates between Christians and “worldly” scholars knowing that if the Christians win it is victory for the faith, but if they lose they are just a persecuted minority and Christianity is not about evidence anyway.

You get a warm fuzzy feeling knowing that God is on your side and will win in the end anyway.

You’ve never seriously asked the question “If I am wrong, how would I know?”

By: Jeffrey

Jeffrey — Sun, 09 Nov 2008 05:36:13 +0000

You believe that the Jews are God’s chosen people, and that most of them are going to burn for eternity.

Much of your knowledge of music theory comes from analyzing the rhythmic structure of a song to see if the beat is displeasing to God.

You want Christians to be persecuted so as to purify the church while simultaneously complaining that Christians are a persecuted minority.

By: So What is a Fundamentalist?

So What is a Fundamentalist? — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 09:08:59 +0000

[...] resource might be the de-conversion blog’s humorous collection of one liners of the form You might be a Fundy if… Using a humorous approach (with many a true word spoken in jest), it sketches out the [...]