Never in my life would I have ever imagined that I would go through so much change. I have caused pain in close friends, and felt much inner shame at myself as the result. What can I say? I have been a fundamentalist Christian at least 3 times in my life. I have also been a nihilist, an atheist, an agnostic…
I can recall many times I have almost died, and escaped death by sheer luck. So many times those have been ways of pushing me into a superstitious worldview that some deity was looking out for me. Other times I would look at my character traits and compare them to my astrological sign and be convinced that astrology is indeed true. The truth is that astrology is a fraud, and I can’t prove at all that a magical deity saved me from near death.
I believe that I just am conditioned to look at things with a faith-based mindset. I also believe that I have a passion for fantasy and imagination which compliments the conditioning quite well. Sometimes, the greatest feeling of awe and excitement comes to me when I believe in the magic. The magic that I create in my head, the magic in movies, the magic in the Bible, and the magic in everyday life. By magic, I mean illusion, and nothing more. The illusion of imagination is beautiful in a way. It is kind of mystical and mysterious, and yes, it reminds me of falling in love.
I think this is one of the biggest reasons why some will always choose religion as a way to understand life. Because in sort of a way, the magic of the illusion can be so attractive and so emotionally beneficial people will fight for it. It reminds me of a drug, a very potent and powerful drug. The addiction of religion is self-reinforcing with every positive emotion it creates. Positive emotions would be the sensationalism, the sense of “awe” and the assured purpose. Some people can’t live without their religion, and will admit that even if it isn’t true, they choose to believe it because it gives their life so much meaning.
Entry filed under: confusedchristian. Tags: Agnosticism, astrology, atheism, christianity, faith, fundamentalism, illusion, imagination, indeciseveness, love, magic, nihilism, religion, Superstitions.