Definitely. I took it 1000% seriously, and I assumed that everyone else in the churches I attended did, too.

However, when my (still fundy) husband and I had a conversation about this as I was deconverting, some of the things I talked about taking seriously elicited a sort of “pishaw” comment from him, like he wasn’t buying it all fully. I was rather shocked by this, because I hadn’t seen any of it as optional.

Yes, it really sucks “not to be doing it right” when everyone else apparently is. I had real problems, and in my case at least, probably needed something more substantial than prayer, scripture study, and traipsing back and forth to church. I think the realization that most of it was BS was the hardest part for me. The disappointment. No one likes feeling like they’ve been duped.

Had I been more well-adjusted, perhaps I’d be on my third marriage, the produce manager at Wal-Mart, and a church leader of some description. Instead, I live with my mother and am plagued with depression, in addition to my substance abuse problems. I don’t really think the whole evangelical scene hurt me. When I needed help, however, they essentially offered me a baby aspirin when I need brain surgery. The results disappointed everyone concerned. I think the backlash on my part hurt me more than anything else.

Peace.

But other than that, there is no necessary contradiction. Its just a matter of how the theology gets translated into action, and that (in my view) tends to be a function of how conservative the theology is. Your experience with your church ladies is representative, Michelle, with the idea that Jesus/prayer/the Bible/(fill in the blank) is the answer to everything. Ive had people tell me that and it is a wildly unempathic thing to say. Christianity does not have to be like that. In fact, I know many Christians who would say that is a very immature form of Christianty.

It reminds me of a story (parable?) I sometimes tell to patients who are reluctant to get treatment on religious grounds, “God will heal me.” Its a bit goofy, but I like it:

A man was in his house when it started to rain, and rain hard. Someone drove up in four wheel drive and said “Get it, its going to flood.” But the man said, “No, God will provide.”

A bit later the flood waters rose. The man had to go up to the second floor. Someone came by in a boat and said, “Get in, its flooding!” But the man said, “Nope, God will provide.”

Finally he was forced onto his roof. A helicopter came by and dropped a rope ladder down. “Climb up!” they said. “No” the man shouted over the roar. “God will provide.” So the helicopter left.

The man drowned.

A few moments later, he was in heaven talking to God. “God” he said. “I trusted you! I had faith! Why did you not save me?”

“Well, I sent you a jeep, a boat, and a helicopter; what more did you want??”

Im a pretty obsessive guy. When I take a mind to do something, I want to do it right, I want to take it seriously, and I want to do it to the Nth degree. Thus when CS Lewis (my main influence back in the day) said that a created being in right relationship with God is **perfectly** selfless — totally evacuated of the self, so that God’s will can fill the vessel of the soul — well, man, I took that to heart and promptly starting rooting out every last pebble of self interest as “evidence” that I wasnt fully surrendering myself to God.

But of course one cannot submit the will by force of will. I tried to, and it made me miserable. Thing is, I dont think any of this came within 100 light-years of occurring to the other people in my church. For them, CHristinaity was a way of life, yes, but also in a way just the ambient cultural assumptions. They were, in other words, not purists like I was. They took it seriously, but not neurotically seriously, and so could go about their lives with all the rough edges of their faith smoothed over.

And this is, I think, the difference. Evangelical theology, taken in pure form, is pretty toxic stuff. I do believe that. But a lot of people just dont seem compelled to drink it straight, and I think that was why it was so detrimental to me. Maybe something like that is what happened to you guys, too?

Some ladies had a hard time with the fact I would see a therapist and not just “appropriate” scripture. I feel I’ve got the best of both worlds, and they are not in conflict with one another. As a Christian, can’t I use the advances we’ve learned in understanding the human mind? Why does it have to be “a tool of Satan?” And as a human, can’t I reach out to the God I believe is there to help? Why must we always throw the baby out with the bathwater?

My wife and I go to a Christian counselor who is also state-certified and well trained. Very little of what we talk about has to do with our faith. It is a foundational aspect of who we are, but God made us in such a way that psychology and psychotherapeutic techniques help us deal with problems too.

I can’t tell you how helpful therapy paired with our Christian faith has been helpful. Fundies are dead wrong in claiming that Christianity is directly opposed to “everything else.” It’s just not mutually exclusive (thank God!).

Good stuff.

The article had some interesting thoughts. Unfortunately when they got to the crux of their “evidence”, they said the following:

it is the most complex systems that are most vulnerable to developmental abnormalities. In humans, this is the frontal lobes. …..
There is also evidence that stimulation induced neuronal development can occur in specific areas of the brain. Children who receive musical training at an early age have larger regions of the temporal lobe cortex, which processes sounds, when compared to those who do not receive this training.

I checked with the neurologist I work with, because this didn’t quite ring right with me. He confirmed my suspicions. Namely that those statements CANNOT be supported. The idea that brain development can be enhanced in any region according to IQ, training, giftedness, etc has been tossed around and investigated for a long time. But NO findings have ever been established to support it.

So what it comes down to is this: The authors of that article made statements of alleged *fact* that simply are not fact.

It’s anecdotal at best, but I think the ones that get hurt (like me) are the ones that tend to take it seriously. I mean, I really tried to do it, believe it, live it. I thought everybody at my mega-church did. I mean, why would you subject yourself to that crap if you didn’t think it was (eternal) life and death?

As I’ve gotten older I realize that most people, at least most extroverts, are much more capable of “going along to get along”. Things like spiritual terror just roll off of them like water off a duck. My sister was more “active” than I was as a kid, but has managed to walk away relatively unscathed. She’s a social butterfly and was obviously getting some sort of “juice” from the whole church scene that I never got. I just felt either elated or terrible, and mostly the latter.

Peace.

I’m with you, Richard. I suffered from a lot of the same things you mention, and yet my husband (still a fundy) claims not to have. I don’t know whether he’s just in denial, or I took it all way too seriously.

I’ll check out that link, cipher – thanks.