…it was hell on earth. Not only the legalism, and the lack of openness to discussion on doctrinal issues, but the fact that there doctrine was so off in so many areas…

if you’re going to be a fundamentalist, at least you should TRY to be ‘right’!

Took me months to recover from that Summer…

Thanks for taking the time to answer.

Brad

What did you get from reading Dobson?

I got a very strong impression that not only was spanking okay, it was the “right” way and more importantly it was “god’s way” to discipline children. It seems to me that he overly emphasized the “spare the rod and spoil the child” school of thinking by talking about corporal punishment so much in his books.

Now, maybe I’m off-base and I don’t remember his more temperate attitudes - it’s been 20+ years since I read his books.

But looking back now, I wish I’d been less quick to resort to physical punishment with my boys and more committed to use non-violent methods. Dobson seems to have given me the mental and spiritual “okay” to jump right to spanking instead of persisting through repeated time-outs, etc. as I see recommended nowadays.

- http://www.smartspanking.com/fetishism.html
- http://www.nospank.net/straus14.htm
- http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/02/spanking_leads_to_sexual_deviancy which links to http://health.usnews.com/usnews/health/healthday/080228/spanking-raises-chances-of-risky-deviant-sexual-behavior.htm

L:See what I said earlier. Dobson clearly says that spanking is not for older kids.
In my case, spanking was more effective. About the age of 8 when my parents transitioned from spanking to restrictions as the highest form of discipline it wasn’t as effective. Simply, I wasn’t really bothered by restrictions. I didn’t like the extra chores that came with restrictions. Often the only thing that kept me from going to far was fear.

Of course, that was also when I started becoming more rebellious in general. I was the kind of kid/teen that rebelled against rules and societal norms just because they existed.

I’ve known parents who raised without spanking and were successful. Of course I’ve known parents who raised with spanking and were utter failures (my own for a prime example).

I think Dee hit it with by touching on the fact that one size never fits all. If you make the absolute decision never to spank, you may set yourself up for failure with a kid who needs corporal punishment.

Your parents may well have overused it. Or you may be one of those kids for whom it’s not the best approach. (Obviously I don’t know enough to say either way.) But don’t allow their misuse to misinform your decision.

A couple specifics you said:
And it teaches kids that it’s ok to use force/violence to solve a problem.

True. And as you know, force must be used in some situations. If you can use spanking properly, you can teach them that such things are only used in certain situations. That you don’t use lashing out for anything.

Plus parents spank kids when they’re way too old for it

See what I said earlier. Dobson clearly says that spanking is not for older kids.

I think that the calculated Dobsonian humiliation is even worse than a parent lashing out in the heat of the moment.

You are incorrect. Lashing out is what teaches kids to solve things with violence. Proper and controlled use of force teaches propriety and control.

The former almost seems sadistic.

Only when misunderstood.

Not spanking works for some kids. I’ve heard how my mom was one of those kids. However, I was not one of those kids. My parents used many forms of consequences and rewards for my actions including spanking. Sometimes that was the only thing that worked. Punishment was rarely administered without explaining the reasons and most of the time there was some form or reward system. spent most of the years between 8-17 on restriction (too old to be spanked) and that really didn’t work with me. My parents were actually pretty fair about the length of restrictions usually administered in 1-2 day increments. Of course, your children are probably much more compliant than I was I was just one of those difficult kids.

I actually think I’m with Karen on this one. I’ve made up my mind never to use corporal punishment on my children, should I have any. My parents used it on me and all it did was make me angry, afraid of them, and clever at finding ways not to get spanked instead of really talking through the problem. And it teaches kids that it’s ok to use force/violence to solve a problem. Plus parents spank kids when they’re way too old for it and it can sexually stimulate a kid. Yeesh, talk about future problems! I think that the calculated Dobsonian humiliation is even worse than a parent lashing out in the heat of the moment. The former almost seems sadistic.

Thank you for your response to my question.