I don’t expect as good a response from my brother when I do talk to him about how I’m doing, but given neither of my parents are Christians, the general disposition of the church I’ve been a part of, and that I am single, my situation could be leagues more difficult/complicated. I’m grateful that it isn’t.

My wife and I are trying to figure out what to do with the christian part of our library, which after 30 years of marriage is about 75% of the total. I’m embarrassed that if we throw them out, it will appear to visitors that we don’t love books as much as we actually do! I was so proud of my collection of books by and about C.S. Lewis. I must have 30 or 40 of those!

Lyra’s Alias nails it on the head about what is the most difficult part of shedding one’s faith: leaving behind the warmth and love of the church family, or rather, having them turn their backs on you. There is no easy way around that. Some people I read about find it so hard that they actually remain a part of the church community while maintaining a firm non-belief in god. I believe Robert Wright (The Evolution of God) is one of those.

Yeah, I’m a packrat.

And I still like some VeggieTales songs…

I went with my brother’s girlfriend to their church today and became pretty emotional when they started playing a worship song I associate with a lot of people I am close to from my university and another one, with whom I have lived and worked and prayed. To see my brother, whom I love dearly and have been afraid to talk to about my doubts playing drums for that song and thinking about these friends, all of whom are Christians, was powerful and painful. That’s how a few worship songs are for me – I don’t tend to enjoy worship music much, but the songs I associate with specific people who have really meant a lot to me, those songs will always resonate regardless of my philosophical stance.

I felt similarly about a particular bible my mom gave me after my confirmation class years ago. I am a recent de-convert, but I don’t think I will ever get rid of it for similar reasons, even though I no longer accept the absurd claims of the biblical accounts, it has significant sentimental value as a token of my mom’s pride and happiness.

I’d like to have it remember her, and a particularly happy time we shared, when she eventually dies.

I have a cheap little name-plate plaque which my mother gave me at my adult baptism. This little object has meant so many different things to me over the years. When it was new, I had a hard time with it because my mom went to the wrong kind of church. In fact, when she first heard I was going to be baptized (by “partial” immersion a la Achilles), she suggested that the infant baptism she did for me should be sufficient. So, as a believer, I never knew what to think of this gift.

Later, it ended up in a box with the other Jesus items I couldn’t bear to keep or throw away. For years I could hardly look at the T-shirts and books and so on … for many reasons, I’m sure you’re already familiar with.

Finally, now that more than 15 years has passed (and Mom is slowly fading away from Alsheimers), I can see this a new way. It is a token of my mom doing somethng nice for me at a special moment in my life. True, I left the path she was helping me celebrate, but she stayed my mom and I stayed her son.

I’m glad I kept it.