1) how well did they know the decesed?
2) what is their emotional state like? (meaning: are they prone to cry at the drop of a hat anyway?)
3)could these also be tears of happiness? (I cried when my daughter was interviewed for mother’s day just by what she said and it made me proud and happy)
4)what is truely in their heart? (Just cause they go to church does not make one a christian, so maybe they don’t really believe they’ll see that person again)

Probably more but that’s a start. I think it’s a mix of all those. I was just at a wedding and the mom was crying because in a sense, she was losing her daughter but was also celebrating her daughter’s new life with her husband. Tears of sorrow and happiness.

I’ve been to funerals where there were lots of tears at the actual funeral, but after, we all went out drinking to celabrate that person’s life. There were no tears, just a good time.

Also, all of these have been very mixed funerals. Meaning that even though it might have been a proper religious burial, I knew and accepted that not everyone there believed the same as the deceased or as the pastor doing the service, so there would be mixed emotions as to how to grieve for that person. It didn’t bother me if someone was wailing away, nor did it bother me if they seamed inaffected.

BJ

In the fundy churches I attended, I often felt that there was an annoying amount of forced cheerfulness at funerals, particularly those of people who died suddenly, very young, etc.

Several fundy funerals I attended were infused with this Rule that We Should Not Be Sorrowful, but should Rejoice! because this person was taken home to be with the Lord. Fanciful scenarios would be drawn about the deceased entering the gates of heaven, cavorting with the angels, yukking it up with Jesus, and – of course – looking down on all of us (particularly the family) and hoping that we wouldn’t be sad for him/her.

Sometimes, I wanted to have some freedom to be sad, cry, ask “why Lord!?” but that was really discouraged. “The body may be there in the coffin, but that’s not really L – that’s just her shell; her spirit is up in heaven now.”

The reality of death, the necessity of grieving, the human need for catharsis and mourning – it was all cut off at the knees as the pastor denied that there was anything to be sorry about, except perhaps for a little self-pity that we wouldn’t be able to spend time with the deceased anymore. But that was presented as a weakness, not a part of being human.

That whole scenario bugged me and struck me as cruel long before I started to seriously question religion.

Speaker: “We have a grave situation here. Can you dig it? You in the back there, cover your mouth please or take a VICKS 44 lozenge, it’ll stop that coffin. Please be bury quiet, while I describe to you how Joe always wanted to be a boxboy one day. I have here a gallon of the elixir of cow which will be buried with Joe today, because every body needs milk. Well, we all need to get going so let’s put a lid on it and get to the wake as quickly as possible. But before we go let me tell you they found Mozart in his sarcophogus(?) erasing his music. When he was asked what he was doing he said he was decomposing. OK, let’s go bury the dude now.

I know—-very bad humor.

Really, I refuse to let my death be a typically depressing ordeal. You can mourn on your own time, but if you’re at my funeral, you better be having a good time. I’m going to make damn sure it’s a celebration.

Somewhat more on-topic, I have been to a religious funeral that wasn’t all sadness and mourning, though it was still more morose than I want my funeral to be. I agree that it seems odd when Christians are unable to be happy when their loved one is supposedly “in a better place.”