I’ve seen what you are talking about. It is very questionable. But despite that, what I am talking about was far different than what the girl said about an “embrace from a force”—and again, I was completely alone in my room reading—I didn’t have anyone influencing me, or working on me emotionally.

And I had to read through half the Gospel of John, ask Christ to come into my life, before this mircaulous change took place.

I know I can’t convince you though—-all I can do is repeat what happened, and know, 35 years later it is still just as real today as it was then. Oh well.

I find this to be amusing, because I recently watched a skeptic named Darren Brown “convert” an atheist to theism. She described feeling a literal embrace from a force, and “knew” there was a god. Then he caused almost everyone else in the room to feel the same “touch of god”. You should watch it, and know that your feeling isn’t unique to Christianity, or even to religion, but is common in all of us: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Sq-YUdq1OI

Actually, I am sure I have linked to it before. So what I want you to do is watch this and its second half, and after you’ve watched them both, tell me how your experience is “more real” than theirs.

What you are feeling is the want to belong and fit in. We are all separated by our inability to truly connect with other beings. I have felt it and still feel drawn to it at times when I feel some sense of greater purpose or even when I feel completely alone. To me this does not correlate directly to any form or function of the word “spirit”. This is our own desperate nature to feel like we are a part of something so that we don’t have to feel so terribly small and insignificant.

But it seems this story is all you have as a reason to believe. It’s more than enough for you, and that’s great- for you. It’s all I had, too- my stories of God acting in my life. I thought I had external evidence. I was wrong. I thought I had a consistent message to cling to. I was wrong. I thought I could tell what God wanted. I was wrong. I thought God would act through my weaknesses and use my few strengths in furthering His will if I relied on Him alone. I was wrong.

Take away the Bible, Joe. Take away the church and the church fathers. Keep the only thing you have which you truly know you have- your story. What does it actually tell you about God? God is a being you can not see who occasionally does wonders in the lives of those who desire to follow Him, in one guise or another, then doesn’t do anything else.

Is there any reason to assume this god is more powerful than a leprechaun, or the tooth fairy? Any reason to assume this god is omnipotent, omnipresent, omnianything? Any reason to suspect anything about the afterlife at all? Any hint to God’s will for your life, in specific terms?

No. There’s just the knowledge that, occasionally, cool stuff happens that we can not readily explain of our own resources.

I’m glad it does.

The Nerd—

I would agree the mind can do many amazing things. But I have mentioned a few times here already—what happened to me is beyond my explanation, and so very real, that there is no way to deny it. I won’t deny that I have had times of doubt, but a big part of getting out of the doubt is looking back and remembering that day, and the days following after my conversion.

I really and truly had no idea who God was, or even what Christianity was at all. My Grandmother when I was a kid told me “the Lord is my Shepherd” and I would always think of a German Shepherd because I had no idea what she was talking about. (not to be sacreligious, but this was truly the case).

Our next door neighbor met a girl who was a Christian, so he began to say he was one. I spoke with him very little, and though “what does he mean ‘a christian–I’m a Lutheran–I called myself Lutheran because that’s what my Mom said she was, though we never went to church, and she never prayed or taught about God.

Now, this neighbor came to the door and I answered. He said “there is still time” and handed me a Gospel of John. I closed the door, threw the booklet on a table, and it sat there for 3-4 days. Finally, I came in one day from school, saw it sitting there and thought “oh, what the heck, I’ll give it a read”.

So–I must enforce this—-I had no pre-concieved notion of God, or of an “experience” that was supposed to take place, or anything of that sort. As I began to read my interest was peaked, as I read of “eternal life”—of course, everyone would love to live forever! But it still all sounded like a “story” to me. But then I hit chapter 10 and saw these words “I know my sheep, and I call them by name”—and I do not know how to describe this—I heard no audible voice—but it was like someone was calling to me. All I said was “Jesus—I want to be one of your sheep”. And at that very moment the booklet changed from a story, and a “read” into a personal message to me. Many don’t have emotional experiences, but I literally experienced an embrace from the Father, and I KNEW I was accepted of Him.

I felt the greatest joy imaginable, and picked up my guitar and wrote a song to Jesus called “Jesus how I love you”—now remember, only hours before I didn’t even know who the heck Jesus really was—and yet here, alone in my room, after reading a booklet, I am overjoyed and writing songs to someone, and experiencing such awesome peace and joy I cannot even describe it.

I know—-this was MY experience. And due to this experience it took a long time for me to stop looking for more of this experience and to walk by faith. I learned that God will sometimes fill people at salvation with huge feelings of his presence, and then later remove them, so that we learn to walk by faith and not by sight.

Now—-there have been many times when I have been filled with doubt, even bordering on despair, but I always remember God’s promises first—-and then always look back and remember that day—I think upon it clearly–and I remember that there is no way that I made that experience happen to me—just no way. God really and truly showed himself to me in a most marvelous way—and I always remember that comfort, and who He is—-I know that when there are clouds the sun is behind them—-and in my “experience” I may not “feel” God is there, but He is–He is as close as He ever was to me.

I know all I can do is tell my story—kind of like the blind man telling the Pharisees “All I know is that once I was blind, but now I see” as they grilled him about how he was healed. In one day I was healed of Spritual blindness, and all I can say is the same thing “I remember once I was blind, but now I see–I do not know how it happened–it was a miracle—but I know for sure that it did happen”.

I love the opening scene from Contact. Pure genius. There are literally minutes of dead silence after the last sounds fall away… enough to really meditate for a moment on the enormity of the universe.

Even without a god, I can connect to this sort of “spirituality”. There is wonder, beauty, glamour, hope, awe, humour, honour and integrity to be seen and experienced all around, whether they are things, processes, relationships or experiences. These things can inspire me (fill me with the breath of life). I can respond to this inspiration with creation, be it archetypically artistic pursuits such as painting, dancing or singing, or other creative acts such as crafting an argument, planting a garden, raising a family or programming a computer.

So here, then, is my formula for spirituality, be it theist, or non-theist: The world is good. Go make it better.

I like that, a lot. Can I use that?

Justin-
“Granted, this is the result of how I define “spirituality””

Ding-ding! If you necessitate that anyone who is “spiritual” has some intrinsic awareness of God, then if I claim to be “spiritual” then, well, I must have an intrinsic awareness of God. So, yes, I agree your conclusion follows from you definition. I just disagree with your definition. Thats my point. “Spiritual” for us non-theists can be the term used to refer to wholly this-worldly experiences, sans any metaphysical ontology.

Re: thankfulness without God. I wrote a post on emotions as relates to de-conversion. The bottom line: emotions do not have to be logical. Thats what makes them emotions. Theres nothing at all inconsistent with *feeling* thankfulness for the good things in your life while not *thinking* there is a God. Havent you ever gotten mad at your computer? How much sense does that make? Heres the post:
http://de-conversion.com/2008/01/30/youre-just-angry-at-god/

Finally, re: a “void” without God. For a long time I struggled with this. I felt a “God shaped hole”, to borrow Bono’s felicitous phrase. But the void, I came to believe, was in reality just (“just”!) the loss of a fantasy. This is not meant to be dismissive! It was a fantasy I adored and lived for many years. And its loss was not at all dissimilar from the way many teens or children feel when, one day, they suddenly cease to see their parents as larger-than-life figures and begin to see them as very limited, very finite, 3-D human beings. Its a loss, sure enough, but what was “lost” was the fantasy, the wish, that something they (in a very real way) experienced and took for granted, no longer can be believed in. And, just as for teens, it means that there really is no one “out there”, bigger than me, smarter than me, looking out for me.

This is a profound loss, yes. But, just as with teens, it is part-and-parcel of being human. It is the experience of what existentialists call “finitude” and it is, I believe, our salvation. (But thats another essay…. )