Comments on: Becoming free from the conditional love of Christian friendships

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By: Bryan

Bryan — Wed, 19 Dec 2012 03:50:18 +0000

Wow. That’s my story. Mines a little closer to home, literally, IN the home. My wife, deeply commited Baptist….me, an emerging deconvert. I noticed all the same things mentioned in the first post. It truly does hurt and its not just a whimsical decision to step away from faith. Looking back, I was the dog on the conversation looking for a weak spot or a logical fallacy to attack and latch onto until I proved my worthiness by tearing down arguments against God and gave my reasonable defense. I feel ashamed. The idea of relationships and my concept of them changed dramatically while under all that religion….religion robbed relationships. I no longer simply cared about people regardless I cared because I was supposed to. And if I did anything well then my motives weren’t right or I avoided doing because of the possibility of bad influence. Yes, I feel ashamed. I’m starting to see the light at the end of dry religious faith. My wife and church hurt more than I expected, I must admit. It does hurt having the gospel shared with you when I was the one heading the apologetics course. That and being told that my faith wasn’t genuine is oh so frustrating. I can’t speak for all but mine certainly was genuine. I knew it in my bones, scripture was alive, God spoke (figuratively). I suppose I’m left with “I don’t understand why they dint understand.” In which I answer myself, “how could they?)

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By: from the outside | alabaster jar

from the outside | alabaster jar — Wed, 24 Oct 2012 20:26:53 +0000

[...] In light of my conversation with my coworker, I ran across an article titled “Becoming Free from the Conditional Love of Christian Friendships.” It is tough to read, it challenges things that are hard to face, and might even make you question how you live out what you believe. The hardest part about this article for me to hear is that it isn’t until after the author choses to walk away from his faith that he feels free to care about others and be cared for in return. But if you’re ready for the challenge, check it out here. [...]

By: catherine

catherine — Sat, 17 Dec 2011 07:43:55 +0000

The path I am on demands that I learn to live without the approval of others. Some people think that what we are taught in the churches is milk, and maturity means growing up and going your own way. Sometimes when you do that you end up going from church to church, from disbelief to belief and back and forth again. I am being led to more eastern traditions and it’s what I need. I am also leaning towards more new age stuff that Christians say is Satan. -my spiritual growth demands it. Even Jesus visited India I believe and studied what they believe and took that with him. You can see it in the things he says. There is nothing wrong with searching. I am always suspicious of those who continue with the beliefs they were raised in. have to always question. The path is not easy for some of us. And yes..it is a journey you must take alone, though along the way you have many great teachers and you take their words with you as you travel. The best advice I ever received is never look to leaders outside yourself as to define to you what the truth is. Faith is always going to be subjective for everyone who is human.

By: Amy

Amy — Fri, 17 Jun 2011 14:38:20 +0000

“That lead me through a period of, well, floundering, which included not knowing what kind of friends I wanted, who the hell I would want to date… that in many ways put me in a vulnerable spot. I made some mistakes, but thankfully I can just laugh at myself now instead of feeling guilt or condemnation for not having my life perfect…” this from Joshua, last entry, Sept. 2009.

Still waiting to see how Joshua is doing!

Thanks to those who have written on this blog this year! I feel that the “de-conversion” can be a process of getting to know one’s self, just as Joshua stated.
It’s often thought of as someone making a huge leap from a life of, hmmmmm, resisting our sinful nature, to becoming a “slave” to that same nature.
De-conversion is not always that obvious.

The friend I mentioned seems to be doing fine. What I’m troubled with, is I saw subtle hints that my friend was struggling, and he didn’t talk about it to me. I think about the times any of us are in the right place at the right time to give encouragement…

My prayer life and personal relationship with Christ is good. A portion of that spiritual health is due to overhearing a mature adult say to another mature adult, “If you have doubts about your christian faith, go to God with that. Ask Him to help you with your unbelief!” Wow! I had (for years) mistakenly thought that my insecurities were sinful in itself and I had no chance of living a guilt-free life if I was striving to be Christ-like.

enough said, for now

By: Heather

Heather — Tue, 07 Jun 2011 17:51:03 +0000

I’m sorry that happened to you. Yes Christians are crazy, and hypocritical, but the thing is- you are supposed to be looking at Christ not the christians. Chrisitans are supposed to follow Christ and become more Christ-like, but sometimes we have out own ideas of what Christ is like is and we get full of ourselves and self-righteous. This is not what chrisitanity is supposed to be like, I don’t blame you for leaving your church and your friends, but if I may be so bold as to say… please continue to talk to God. I am not asking you to repeat the sinners prayer or anyother nonsense that I’m sure you are aware of and can smell a mile away. Just talk to Jesus and listen to what he has to say..I’m sure it won’t be anything like what the christians ‘you know’ have been saying.
God Bless You, regardless of your decision.

By: April Galamin

April Galamin — Tue, 26 Apr 2011 01:12:07 +0000

I so understand this!

Thanks for sharing your experiences.
I wish all of the best to you in your journey out of abusive religion.
I’ve been there & sometimes it is not easy. But I’d rather
be free, than with a group of people whose relationship
with me was sadly VERY conditional.
When I finally realized it, it was devastating. But I am glad
I saw IT, better late than never. I’m out now & though I’ve had some rough times, I have no regret whatsoever leaving that abusive & controlling environment.

I hope you keep moving forward & all of the best to you.

By: Eve's Apple

Eve's Apple — Fri, 22 Apr 2011 23:26:19 +0000

You know, what I find very interesting about this whole church business is how often people will invite me to their church or say that I should be going to church (when they find that I am not), without ever once inquiring into my beliefs! It is my understanding that church is not a social club; it is an organization made up of people who believe a certain way, and that this is an integral part of the organization. So why would you want someone attending who does not believe what you believe or worse yet, is opposed to what you believe? It does not make any sense.

By: Amy

Amy — Fri, 22 Apr 2011 02:07:05 +0000

Hi Josh!

I found your post by putting in “Christian friend suddenly rejects Christ” in my laptops search engine.

Thank You for your honesty and thought-provoking comments. You have reassured me this evening to not be so “worried” about my friend.

I too, rejected Christ approx. 28 years ago. I am
now “back” with Christ personally, without all the social “hoopla”. People find this odd, as the Bible says for us to not neglect meeting with others of our faith.

The biggest thing for me is striving to NOT live for man’s approval. To me, if someone points out something in the Bible to remind me of my errors, just search a little farther and I can find something there to support my “error”.

For everything there is a season.

I am in no way mocking the Bible.

It helps me to remember that the Bible says that the apostles argued among themselves on who was Jesus’ favorite. Lol.

Josh, I would like to know how You are doing?

Thanks!