de-conversion » LaShawn

God is great, God is good…

CrimsonMai — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 10:10:08 +0000

It’s been about a week now since Thanksgiving, and hopefully everyone has found creative ways to finish off all their leftover turkey! I love the holiday season, and the time I get to spend with my family, but one thing is always awkward—saying grace before the dinners. I don’t mind bowing my head and listening quietly while others do it, but I’m not too fond of doing it myself.

My family consists mostly of devout Christians—none of whom know that I’m an atheist. That’s right, I’m still in the closet per say. However, my sister somehow has this special ability to know just who to pick on when it comes time to say the prayer. We celebrated Thanksgiving dinner at her home, and as we all gathered around the table and bowed our heads in silence, I knew I was in for it. Before she even asked I could tell just by her look that she was going to pick me.

It was a test of sorts. Everyone in my family was waiting to see if I had lost my “roots” when I went off to college. It was their way of putting me back in my place, or that’s at least how they saw it. When my sister told (not asked) me to say it, there was no backing down. So, I took a deep breath, mumbled a few words, said amen, and began digging into the food! My family seemed pretty satisfied and began eating as well, and the chatter resumed once again. Whew…so I managed to pass! I know there is only so long that I can get away with it though before having to eventually tell them, but while everyone is standing there with their mouths watering and wanting to eat food it’s not the right time.

For a little while afterwards I felt a bit guilty. Is it unethical to say a prayer that you don’t believe in for the sake of pleasing others? At this point I haven’t been able to decide, so I’m curious has anyone else been in this type of situation? I’d like to know how the rest of you guys have handled it.

- LaShawn

Where does Atheism fit in my life?

CrimsonMai — Wed, 07 Nov 2007 05:17:05 +0000

I’ve been struggling for the past few months to motivate myself to blog more about atheism, but I realized that the reason it’s been so hard is because it’s just a small part of who I am. When I was a Christian, it was like being consumed by it. Every aspect of my life was under heat and pressure. I had to make sure that everything I did adhered to it and didn’t conflict with any of my beliefs. With that burden lifted, I’ve been able to enjoy things and people for who they are, rather than how my religion told me they should be. I have learned how to appreciate life, to take things one day at a time and never for granted.

Being an atheist is not easy at all. It has forced me to think about what it really means to be human, what my purpose is in life, and how I can make the most of it. At times it has been a bit scary. Facing my own mortality and realizing that time is ticking makes every moment seem much more precious. I appreciate my family more now. Whether we’re just sitting in the living room talking or at the dinner table eating, I am thankful for every second of it.

I realize just how fortunate I am to be alive and to be raised with such loving and caring people. My family has always meant the world to me (especially my mom) both as a Christian and now as an atheist. I remember when I was younger often being afraid that my mom would go to heaven and I would not. If I did something wrong, would God really punish me and keep us separated for all eternity? Religion struck fear into my heart and offered very weak comfort.

The main thing that made me nervous about accepting atheism was confronting the reality that one day I will no longer exist. The idea was pretty terrifying and occasionally still is. The way that I stand strong and fight it is by reminding myself that one day all the people I love will also be gone and then life will not be worth it.

Each person must find their own meaning to life when they convert (or de-convert) to atheism. For me, my meaning comes from my family. My life is fulfilled when they are happy and by my doing what I can for them. Not everyone has a close relationship with their family so this would not be sufficient, but for once there really is no limit. As an atheist you can decide for yourself what your purpose is and what will make you happy. Just don’t make it something silly like stealing cars, and get yourself arrested.

Like I said, being an atheist is part of who I am, but not everything. I’m also a daughter, a sister, a friend, and hopefully one day a mother. If you find that your life is always centered and focused on your religion, perhaps you should consider reevaluating what really means the most to you.

- LaShawn

Militant Atheism: Good or Bad?

CrimsonMai — Tue, 01 May 2007 15:45:06 +0000

While watching an old lecture from Richard Dawkins, who I’m sure you’re all familiar with by now, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride, excitement, and anticipation. He was speaking at a conference in front of some of the world’s leading scientists, and intellectuals. Dawkins urged them to be what he described as “militant atheists” — people who are open about their atheism, and not afraid to stop being polite to the religious. Many atheists, as Dawkins explained, are pressured and forced to keep their beliefs hidden. In a nation predominantly Christian such as the US, we are wrongfully labeled as “unpatriotic,” and distrustful. While we’re all aware that something must be done to promote awareness and tolerance for atheism, is being militant the best solution?

I feel excited about the prospect that people will one day be able to gather, and speak openly about their atheism at conferences like this more often. However at the same time I have to worry about the possible unfavorable consequences our nation might suffer to get there. Let’s face it, atheism isn’t for everyone. One of the risks we face is even more hostility, and intolerance from our religious counterparts than we experience now. One the plus side though, being open about atheism will undoubtedly produce more “deconverts” — those who leave religion behind — but are we ready to give them the support they’ll need?

Those who are comfortable with atheism often forget that for newcomers atheism isn’t easy, and in fact it can be quite scary. I remember after first being “deconverted” to atheism, I felt both a mixture of fear and excitement. I was excited because I could finally let go of the burden of religion. I no longer had to futilely attempt to reconcile its many fallacies and contradictions. Being atheist allowed me to throw away faith, and embrace science and reasoning. However, along with that also came the head-on confrontation with my own mortality. Since I no longer believed in an afterlife I was faced with the fear of what it meant to stop existing. Eventually atheism helped me realize just how fortunate I was to be alive, and I no longer took things for granted that I once did as a Christian. Even though I personally found new meaning to life in my friends and family, not everyone could do the same.

So why am I hesitant of militant atheism? I think we have to take into account that not everyone can lead what they’d considering fulfilling lives without religion. Some people were raised with it since birth, and have become too dependent on it. What I worry is that our nation is not yet equipped, or prepared for the affects militant atheism would have. Although I’d love to have the freedom to be as open about my beliefs in public as those who are religious, I wonder if now is the time and place for it. Are they ready? Will they ever be? Should I continue to keep my difference of opinion hidden? I’ve always been willing to share what I believed in if I were approached and asked, but do I have a duty as an atheist to be more aggressive? So those are the questions I leave you with. I realize that the consequences I’ve listed are a bit extreme, but nonetheless I’d like to hear your opinion on Dawkins’ call for militant atheism.

-LaShawn