de-conversion

Rationalizing Faith

Never in my life would I have ever imagined that I would go through so much change. I have caused pain in close friends, and felt much inner shame at myself as the result. What can I say? I have been a fundamentalist Christian at least 3 times in my life. I have also been a nihilist, an atheist, an agnostic…

I can recall many times I have almost died, and escaped death by sheer luck. So many times those have been ways of pushing me into a superstitious worldview that some deity was looking out for me. Other times I would look at my character traits and compare them to my astrological sign and be convinced that astrology is indeed true. The truth is that astrology is a fraud, and I can’t prove at all that a magical deity saved me from near death.

I believe that I just am conditioned to look at things with a faith-based mindset. I also believe that I have a passion for fantasy and imagination which compliments the conditioning quite well. Sometimes, the greatest feeling of awe and excitement comes to me when I believe in the magic. The magic that I create in my head, the magic in movies, the magic in the Bible, and the magic in everyday life. By magic, I mean illusion, and nothing more. The illusion of imagination is beautiful in a way. It is kind of mystical and mysterious, and yes, it reminds me of falling in love…

Continue Reading January 9, 2008 at 1:18 pm confusedchristian 6 comments